perfectlemonade

Christian Cobden 3317 Mistletoe Lane. DeWitt, Michigan. 27408. Year 2025 Of all the fates that I have replayed over and over and over in the prison that is my head, between when this first began with David shooting me all those years ago to now, as a bloody moaning sunrise ascends into the cool Michigan morning, death by zombification was not even considered. I always figured it would be complications, like an infection, or choking on my own vomit, or maybe eventually my body would just quit like I've been hoping it would for a long ass time, but a zombie bite from my own mother? Come on. I'll take it though. I'm in my wheelchair right now, and Mom is dead on the floor with a broken vodka bottle in her skull which is something I did, and I'm sad about it but I'm actually not that torn up, because she's dead and now I am too once this zombie virus officially takes my life in a couple minutes and I'm looking out my bedroom window, to the apocalypse below. It's funny how fast things can go downhill. There have been few gunshots—thanks, of course, to the Christian Cobden Firearm Buyback Bill of 2018—but there have been plenty of explosions and screams and basically everything you'd expect from a zombie outbreak in a formerly-quiet, middle-class neighborhood. Small packs of undead prowl Mistletoe Lane while others still emerge from the forest, but they are all freshly killed, probably since I've been asleep, with all their guts hanging out of their disemboweled stomach cavities and their bones broken and mangled and poking through their bloody skin. I reach almost instinctively from my bottle of Smirnoff, but I remember that it's in my mom's skull. I sigh, but luckily I have a backup supply of some really good shit under my bed, my favorite shit, Grey Goose, the first alcohol I ever had, so I roll over, careful to avoid the corpse in my bedroom, and reach beneath my bed and yank off the cap, downing a solid three gulps before having to pull away. I make my way back to the window, where Mr. Yancey is running for his life with a dozen zombies in hot pursuit. Mr. Curtis Yancey is the neighborhood pedophile, as in every couple years he has to go from door to door with a sheet acknowledging that he's a registered sex offender that everyone in the neighborhood has to sign. And Mr. Yancey is not just some "oops-I-had-sex-with-a-fifteen-year-old-once" sex offender, no, I've seen his page. In the 90s he was busted with child porn. I used to think he was capable of changing because I used to think all people were capable of changing, but ten years of being paralyzed has taught me better. I like to think I'm much more realistic than I was then. So maybe zombies actually aren't that bad of a thing. I mean pedophiles and Christian Cobden are made out of the same stuff and at least now the world, or at least Mistletoe Lane, will be rid of a pedophile. The booze hits me then, head spinning, and I wonder how Madeline and Elijah are doing. I hope they're okay. Maybe these zombies haven't hit their apartment yet on the other side of DeWitt, but I can only dream. They're probably dead like I'm about to me. I love them both. I love them more than I love anyone or anything else. I swig down some more vodka. I can feel the virus, or whatever it is, now, and Mr. Yancey trips and the zombies swarm him. I chuckle. Serves you right, Curt. Fuckin' Curt. It's in my chest now. The process, I mean. It doesn't hurt, at least it doesn't hurt when I'm drunk, so I guess that's good. The poison, the disease, I feel it in my heart, I feel it hugging me, tighter, and my pulse is slowing down, and I'm tired, and this is actually not unpleasant. It's not pleasant, like being zombified isn't something I'd suggest experimenting with, but there are certainly worse ways to go out. I'm losing control now, and it's everywhere, I feel it, I feel it everywhere, it's all over me. The darkness tugs at the corners of my eyes, and then it's all black. Everything. And that should be the end of my pathetic life of bullet-holes and catheters and alcoholism. But something funny happens. It's not the end. In one single instant I snap out of the dark. The lights are turned on, so to speak, and I can see. It's bright now, probably due to the sun that's shining directly into my freaking face. As what anyone else would do to get away from blinding light, I move out of the sunlight. But I don't roll out of the luminescence on my wheelchair. Instead I do something else I stand up. Yes. I stand. And get this: I haven't stood up in over a decade. For real. Over a decade. So needless to say I'm a bit overjoyed feel my feet supporting me for the first time in a long, long time. And then it all comes back to me. I'm dead. I'm a zombie. But zombies, they aren't in control of themselves, right? But I look down. My thigh is missing a large chunk of flesh—a chunk of flesh that is now in my mother's stomach—but it's still supporting me, and even better, I don't feel any pain and I'm not even bleeding. And yes, there is a silence in my chest, surely from my heart not beating either. I shake out my arms, my legs, everything. Yep. Yep. Holy shit yes. I'm doing jumping jacks now. Yes. YES. This is happening. I'm a zombie. And I'm in control. I'm not thirsty or hungry for blood or flesh, and hell I'm not even drunk anymore. This is real. This is it. This is it. This is how I get out of my prison that is my cranial cavity. With zombies. Wow. I'm done. I'm so done. I'm still doing jumping jacks because why not, and I'm not even tired. So I guess zombies don't get tired. Which is great. And I'm laughing now, because this is all crazy, this is so weird, I'm laughing and I'm crying, I'm crying too, I'm crying, this is so, so crazy. I can't believe that this happening. I'm a zombie. I'm a fucking zombie. And what about Mom— Oh shit. Oh shit. Shit. I whip around, and I look at my mother, facedown in her own blood, and now that euphoria is gone. I look at her. I've seen it before—I've seen this before. I've lived it before. I've lived the gore, the blood, the death, and I've seen it all and worse, even worse than this. I saw a body so mangled by bullets that you couldn't even tell where the kid's face began. But this. This is my mother. My stomach growls then. Yes, it growls. I glance to my stomach, bloody shirt, and back to my mother, and I want to... to take a bite out of her. I'm not hungry, not really, but I kind of want to eat her flesh. I just want to. And then I realize just how fucked up that is, and suddenly I don't want flesh anymore. I am a zombie. And this all just hits me. She's dead. She's dead and I'm still here I guess and there's nothing you can really do about it. I love her. And I killed her. I was the one who dug a busted whiskey bottle through her eye.</p> I look back outside, and I really want to cry but nothing's happening, and the zombies are still there, perhaps a little thicker than before, and there is no sign of old Mr. Yancey save for a small puddle of blood, and I think of Madeline and Elijah. They're out there. Dead or alive, they're out there, and I'm good, hell I'm much better than I was, even before the shooting. I have to know. I have to know. Mom deserves better than this, though. She deserves better than decomposition via flies and maggots. So I go out to the garage, grab the jug of kerosene, empty it out all over the house, and with a trail of the liquid tailing behind me and a box of matches in my hand, I cautiously step outside. The zombies, they all see me, glance up, look at me, but they pay no attention to me. I'm one of them. I'm invisible. Just like I've always been. I pour out the rest of the kerosene and hold the match to the striker. Fuck. She's going to burn. And so is my entire house. Everything. And here I am. I'm... well, shit, look. I'm better. But— No, Christian, shut up. This is over. You have no time to waste. Madeline and Elijah aren't getting any safer as you sit here and contemplate your feelings. So I light the match, toss it on the fuel, and begin running towards Madeline and Elijah's apartment as my mother and my house are consumed in flames.

I remember you, homie!

hmmm... I never really thought about it like that. To me Zombies and Xbox and Codz are all the same. But it's more the community I like here, ya feel? Maybe I'll do what Paolo did and just retire from Zombies but still check in on Codz every once in awhile. Idk we'll see. Good to see you, Grill and Eternal! I know one thing though: I think I'll definitely have to indulge myself and play the 2015 CoD, if that has Zombies!

I DO. Skype later, homie.

0_0 fuk. Im so sorry dude... it's been so long. I am not worthy. In all seriousness, thank you everyone for the welcome back! @Rissole25 dude if you want, you would be more than welcome to redo the Triple Crown thing. I know I'd rock it, and Chopper might even too! Ollie, Undad, everyone, thanks for the welcome. It's good to know I still have a home on the coolest community on the internet

@MegaAfroMan Thanks for the info, my dude! I'll be checking in. Now that I've thought about it, I think i will for sure write one last thread. I'm not sure what it will be about, but I want it to be something people will remember. Jeez it sounds like Im dying here lmfao. It's good to be back, though! I've missed you all!

Hi. Um, wow, things have changed around here. Okay, well, for those of you who don't know me, Im Andrew (or perfectlemonade). For a solid two years I was, in my humble opinion, one of the most active members of this community and certainly the most outspoken strategist we ever had, save of course for Superhands and maybe this scrub rando named Ehjookayted (and Choppernator. I can't believe I forgot about Choppernator). I wrote lots of threads about how to play the game well, threads that seem to have, unfortunately, been lost to the fire, but I have a lot of them saved on my hard drive so I think all my work isn't completely forgotten. I always wrote a lot for this site, which is something I really enjoyed and I think a lot of other people really enjoyed too, and I just kind of left this community without really saying much so I guess I should explain. Black Ops 2 left me far too engrained with this game. The hours I've spent trying to break records, beat my high round, find new strategies... it is literally too many for me to count. If I had to make an estimate for how much time, between playing and spending time on Codz, I spent with Zombies, I'd say it's well over 2500 hours. I'm not exaggerating. Yeah. Well anyways I guess I kind of realized I didn't need to give my life to Zombies and people on the internet for me to feel happy, so instead of wasting my senior year of high school playing Xbox, I actually went out and did stuff. I got into college, became friends with nearly everyone at school (which is something I never would've dreamed of in freshman year), did some things I both regret and look back fondly on, grew out my hair, lost 30 pounds, and other things I'm not willing to make public. Point is: I lived life this past year, and I'm glad I did. I've grown a lot as a person over the past year. One of my best friends Ehjookayted AKA EyeCntSpel AKA Paolo can attest to that. I do not find this game fun anymore. A few of the friends I've made through Zombies know I am trying to play one more high round game as a final hoorah before I retire from Xbox and this community forever, but that is tough sailing. Shi No Numa is fucking HARD to get a 100 on, man! After I get that 100, I will make a video, perhaps post it here, and that'll be my farewell. In the meantime, I guess I'll try to interact some on here, but I'm not sure how active I'll be. Maybe I'll write another thread. No promises though. Later, Codz. If you guys wanna get to know me, shoot me a PM! -perfect PS here are just a handful of my old threads, including the story I wrote about zombies on a cruise ship! Sorry if I mess this up; I don't know how to work this new forum. Mob of the Dead Solo Guide -> http://www.callofdutyzombies.com/forum/index.php/topic/155170-mob-of-the-dead-full-solo-guide/ Sinking -> http://www.callofdutyzombies.com/forum/index.php/topic/143740-sinking-completed/ Everything You Need to Know About Points [side note, please remember this was written before Blops 2. A lot has changed since then] -> http://www.callofdutyzombies.com/forum/index.php/topic/145335-everything-you-need-to-know-about-points/ The Typist (How to Write a Good Thread) -> http://www.callofdutyzombies.com/forum/index.php/topic/147090-the-typist-how-to-write-a-good-thread/

Shit my bad. I looked and I couldn't find a thread. Guess I didn't look hard enough -_-

http://codol.qq.com/web201305/page/video.shtml NEW MAPS AHHH It looks pretty fun. I kind of want to give it a shot.

I remember, nearly three years ago now, watching his videos nearly nonstop and just being in awe that someone could get past round 50, much less get 151 on Ascension. He seemed like a truly amazing person and an incredible father to his two children. I didn't watch him much, but I will always credit his entertaining videos—along with the likes of Syndicate and MurkahDurkah—for exposing me to the awesome community that is Zombies. Drinking and driving will never, ever mix. Don't do it. It's selfish and it's stupid. This man has left behind two sons without a father; don't put your family through that same pain.

Chopper, I think Frenzy is doing it to show that it's pointless to keep the door closed and that everyone who plays Town with the door closed for high rounds doesn't play Town "like a man." Regardless, it's the best strategy on the map either way. Nice one, BSZ. Yeah Frenzy takes major pride in playing Zombies like a man.

Good luck Zoey!

No, downing is okay. Having them bleed out isn't.

Origins record is 120.

Agreed. The atmosphere is by far the best part of that map. It's just... it's desolate. A true post-apocalyptic feel that simply wasn't captured in Die Rise or Buried. Despise most everything else about Tranzit though lol

Fire staff causes script errors. At least IT used to, I don't know if they fixed it or not. Fire and electricity aren't infinite damage. :(

Black Ops 2 as a whole was just "meh" for me as well, FatedTitan. They overcomplicated things. Tranzit and Buried took the buildables WAY too far. And yet, while the maps were focused more on quantity rather than quality, they stuck to a very rigid formula for essentially the whole game. Tranzit: Bus, buildable Wonder Weapon Die Rise: Elevators, buildable Wonder Weapon Buried had neither of these, but the subwoofer is basically a Wonder Weapon and, again, took the buildables way too far. Also, from a leaderboard standpoint, the addition of the now-patched Paralyzer really annoyed me. Get in a glitch with a Paralyzer and you're good forever. Infinite ammo Wonder Weapons are a no-go in my book. They should've learned from Tranzit. Even Origins suffered a bit from "Build Stuff Syndrome". Mob was really the best map of this game, in my opinion, followed by Die Rise then Origins. In my 127 game on Mob, never once did I get truly bored. The Redeemer is amazing, in my opinion. And yeah, I know I just said that I don't like infinite ammo Wonder Weapons, but something about cleaving zombies with a fucking shimmering tomahawk never gets old for me. It's up there with the JGB. I'm ranting, though. Overall, the Black Ops 2 maps felt like the same shit, just reskinned and rehashed. I still can't get over how much stuff they "recycled" from Mob with Origins. The individual power and midround boss is just such a blatantly obvious reuse because they couldn't come up with better ideas. Think about it like this: If you went into a Black Ops 1 map, you were guaranteed a different experience each time. Moon and Kino feel radically different from each other. Am I right? But that's not the same with BO2. I'm going to write a thread about this. This time next year, we'll be getting hyped up for Zombies again. I want Treyarch to learn from their mistakes and start their development of the next game with a clean slate, and I think that clean slate starts with us.

It's pretty fun, but they spawn in so slow. I mean, you'll actually get zombies trickling in a full 3 minutes after you have them all (or so you think). They spawn all the way over in fucking Narnia when you're in Nacht.

Brb checking Tranzit.

Max Ammo from digs are possible, but extremely rare. Still there, however.

This is going to turn out like the fucking laundry door on Tranzit. I can already tell. -_-

You can get Double Tap as a reward for a challenge—I think it's spending 30000 points. Not a hard challenge at all, if you ask me.

The staffs are pretty much the answer to what you're wondering Their effects should bring back some wonderful memories. If you catch my drift... They are just so harrrrrd to get..... I really need to point whore for 15 rounds and explore the map. But with the damn Brutus 2.0 and the generator destroyers its hard. The mud hurts.... The generator destroyers are STUPID. That will be, hands down, the worst feature of this map.

Kind of a misleading title. 3arc has had a reputation for releasing trailers on release date. Just saying.