Quotes & Conversations

"Your country needs you, soldier!"

"Let us see what this trooper can do!"

"How fully functional are you?"

"Sergeant A.D.A.M. you say? I do love a man in uniform."

"Bravo Sergeant A.D.A.M.! Do it again!"

"Oh... I declare Project Toy Soldier a success!"

"Is it just me or is that robot enjoying this?"

"Danke sergeant."

"When this is over, I am oiling your pistons. I promise."

"Your hands are cold but your heart... is in the right place, I guess?"

"No doubt it's down to me to find those... obstructions."

"This base just needs a good enema."

"Come on, America, I'm yearning to breathe free!"

"Now that the gas is gone, you can smell the real America!"

"Mental note: Even if a super-computer says it's okay to open the pyramid device, DO NOT OPEN THE PYRAMID DEVICE!"

"Ja, ja, we did something just like this on the moon. Same scheisse, different day."

"Not again, Avogadro, not again!"

"Uh, Rushmore, did you forget to mention the lightning man hiding in your pyramid?"

"Hey Dempsey! Nikolai's somewhere nearby if you want to shoot something else in the head!"

"That shook the pillars of heaven!" - DG-5

"Just like airing out my Summer cabin in Bavaria! It has a poison gas problem too..."

"I hear just one of these crawlers can light up a house for a week!"

"Climbing crawlers?! Well, America is all about upward mobility."

"Honestly, I've been shot in the face before, it's not that bad!"

"I really wish the monkey would learn another song."

"Imagine how big the blast would be if we strapped explosives to Nikolai's back!"

"I find monkeys annoying. I spank them every chance I get..."

"The Mark I was one of the grooviest things Group 935 ever made."

"Another escape route! Well, that's something I know all about."

"It takes confidence to teleport. Or is it desperation?

"I wish my Nikolai knew how to shoot straight. Or in fact do anything of use."

"As always, it's a matter of filthy lucre. I always loved that term... and why do you never hear about the clean lucre?"

"Ja, ja, I'm short on funds, but my Brooklyn Bridge investment should be paying off any time now!"

"I see, the Nova 6 crawlers are a force multiplier. Sort of the opposite of our Nikolai."

"Quite the miasma down here, now where are my smelling salts?"

"You answered the crawl of duty, wink wink, and YOU PAID THE PRICE!"

"Of all the nerve... gas! (laugh)"

"Fun fact: Pumpernickel means 'Farting goblin' in German. Not sure why I thought of that..."

"Guten tag, darling. Who do I have the pleasure of addressing?"

"I- I mean, we don't have time for this, just tell me where the Elemental Shard is hidden."

"So far, America looks just as undead as every other place I visit!"

"I still cannot believe I am taking orders from Nikolai Dummkopf Belinski!"

"It is like watching the oven, waiting for the strudel to pop out..."

"This reminds me, I really need to do laundry..."

"That other Richtofen may be younger and better looking, but he has no sense of humor!"

"En garde! Ha! This sword makes me feel like the Scarlet Pimpernel... Look it up."

"Alright, Takeo, I admit it! Your people's sword-craft knows no rival."

"(drinks) Tingles..."

"(drinks) How is it I already have to pee?"

"(drinks) Really more of an Intermezzo than an Apéritif."

"(drinks) (chuckles) I swear, I'll put anything down my throat..."

"(drinks) Peach schnapps, mein favorite!"

"(drinks) Just like gargling ball sweat. Oops, I meant, boar sweat."

"Lovely! I've been needing a shoehorn."

"I can see mein reflection in this blade! Ooh, you handsome devil..."

"I'm a lover not a fighter!"

"I wish I'd had this in boarding school..."

"Well, at least it's not a Galva-condom."

"Oh, it's like turning the lights on in a Discotech... Sad..."

"After all this time you people let the undead do this to me... I expect better..."

"Someone come help me find my contact lens... und maybe, restart my heart..."

"Ah-ha! It's funny seeing you like this because you take yourself so seriously."

"I am not laughing at you Nikolai! It's just a noisy smile!"

"You are too kind! Especially to Nikolai, he's an idiot."

"Does this make us friends now? No. Definitely not."

"Sometimes I think death would have been a mercy..."

"How's the fight  going? Have we nearly won?"

"I've always liked you, Takeo! Even when I didn't."

"I've been mortally wounded before. It's no fun..."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me, Dempsey!"

"They say a woman's work is never done, nor it seems is yours, Nikolai."

"Thank you, Nikolai. If I could have picked anyone to rescue me, it would have been you! That's a little white lie..."

"What happened to your Ooh-rah, Dempsey? Did it get damaged?"

"Oh, are you still here? Part of me thought you died a while ago!"

"Did you try shouting for your player friends?!"

"You do this so often, the floor practically has an indentation shaped like your buttocks!"

"As far as near-death experiences go, yours was quite lame..."

"This is always the saddest part... Unless they bite me. Then all bets are off!" - Killing dogs

"Not a good time to have a pocket full of beef jerky."

"Is jingoism one of your core values? Because I liked it when you people were isolationists."

"Come liebchen, tell me what the bad man in the computer did to you."

"Crawler experiments? BORE-ING."

"You know what? I find this Rushmore's enthusiasm very refreshing!"

"This Rushmore is playing me like a pawn... And I am at least a rook. Or a queen!"

"You know, Rushmore, bossy is never a good look. Unless it's me."

"Spoilers: The codes say: GIVE US THE FUCKING ELEMENTAL SHARD!"

"This is starting to remind me of a classic American novel. Next there will be a fence that needs whitewashing!"

"Hello, orb, my name's Edward, and I fight the undead. What exactly do you do?"

"Really? An orb is better than having arms and legs? Who knew!"

"It's alive! Alive!"

"I was trapped in a zombie body once. I imagine trapped in a robot isn't much better."

"Have our paths crossed? Or did you meet some of my former associates at Group 935." -Peter

"Ah, the old ghost in the machine, is it? Interesting."

"Lie down with dogs and... yeah and... I honestly don't know where I was going with that."

"Don't be getting an ego, Takeo, it wouldn't suit you."

"I find headshots a little passé, but that was quite impressive. Well done you!"

"Ah, the lightning gate! How Wagnerian."

"I hate you. Children hate you. Puppies hate you. EVERYONE HATES YOU, DEMPSEY! Especially me!"

"Take pleasure in the simple things, Dempsey. You know I do."

"Like a surgeon after my own heart!"

"If I'm honest, I'm surprised you're still here, Takeo."

"You're very precise, Takeo! Almost anally so..."

"Ow! What are you, the undead Max Schmeling?!"

"I have a bad history with rockets, but I'll give it another go, why not!"

"Perhaps, monkey, we should have put you in charge! Better than that Russian ape..."

"They say Germans have no sense of humor, but I will be the last one laughing! And some of you won't even get a giggle before that happens!"

"Besides everything else, Maxis reaaaally knew how to build a death ray."

"The sniper rifle! Or as I like to call them: Bang! I'm dead."

"I know all about tactics! I'd tell you more, but you wouldn't believe me."

"Not looking so leader-ey now, are we Russian?"

"You know, there was a time where you und I were not so different.' -To Zombies

"I noticed that my doppelgangerous counterparts are conspiciously absent. Maybe this is a suicide mission, und they decided I'd do it the best!"

"Oh well, may as well start looking for this Elemental Shard that Nikolai was so excited to find! He must have been sincere because he wasn't even drunk."

"Wow, what a time I've had of it lately. Body-swapping, earth-destroying, MPD-induced insanity. AH-HA! AND IT'S ONLY MONDAY!"

"Dempsey in danger! I wish I'd brought popcorn! Not to eat, it's vile, I just like to throw it at his stupid head."

"Tank Dempsey. Born: 19-Something or other. Died: A few minutes from now."

 

“The lounge attendant does not monitor alcohol consumption! Please drink responsibly, or we’ll mock you relentlessly!”

“If you wish to exchange your current lounge attendant for one with legs, the current wait time is… 123 years.”

“Reminder: Groom Lake employees are no longer permitted to use the billiards tables. If you’re looking for someone to blame, blame Jerry.”

“As always, please ignore the giant fucking nuke dangling above us that I’m sure won’t kill us all.”

“As always, please ignore the giant nuke dangling above us that I’m sure won’t kill us all.”

“Oh sure, let’s put a government facility in the middle of the desert, hundreds of miles from civilization! What could possibly go wrong?”

“Consolidated Coach Corporation is not responsible for those offended by: Lounge attendant. So fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccck you!”

“Consolidated Coach Corporation is not responsible for those offended by: Lounge attendant.”

“I’ve been programmed to inform you that this facility is totally safe. But, if you couldn’t tell, that’s a fucking lie!!!”

“I’ve been programmed to inform you that this facility is totally safe. But, if you couldn’t tell, that’s a lie!!!”

“Good news! I’m detecting a Nova 6 gas leak in the lounge. So soon we’ll all be dead and my nightmarish existence will end.”

“Need a flashy new way to entertain your guests? Turn up the heat by upgrading to the lounge attendant flamethrower model today! They’ll laugh, they’ll scream! Fire and flames consume all… “

“As a friendly reminder, everyone’s dead! Time to panic! (screams)”

“Bored? Try reading: Learn something new, expand your knowledge, outsmart your friends in any argument. Reading: It’s not just for squares!”

“Be advised, children are not permitted in the lounge because they fucking piss me off.”

“Be advised, children are not permitted in the lounge because they piss me off.”

“Everything in this lounge is Broken Arrow property, so don’t break anything or I will fucking cut you.”

“Are you tired of your old lounge attendant and ready to replace him? I hope not, because if they take me away, I’ll be smashed into a thousand pieces and incinerated in a fire set at ten thousand degrees."

“Please return all party games to their proper storage compartments after use.”

“I regret to inform you that first aid services are unavailable for the rest of eternity. Once eternity has ended, please try again.”

“Bored? Try television: Melt your mind, decipher the numbers (quickly), shut up that screaming child. Television: Free-will is for suckers. Submit and obey.”

“Danger: Please stay away from camping tent. Correction: Camping tent is totally safe, and absolutely nothing bad will happen if you climb inside!”

“Happy with your lounge attendant’s performance? Pay him a compliment, buy him a beer, maybe give him legs and free him from institutionalized slavery!”

“Fun fact: John F. Kennedy’s clone once used that billiard table... (pause) and the cue was… (pause) everything w-… (pause) moist. Please disregard previous fun fact.”

“Someone threw one heck of a party in here! Please notify Consolidated Coach Corporation or your Broken Arrow representative for a five-star cleanup.”

“This room is my kingdom, and its contents are my loyal servants! Bow before me peasants!”

“Look at all the blood splatters! Did somebody hit the sauce a little too hard?”

“Bored? Try backgammon: The game your grandmother loved that you still don’t fully understand. Backgammon: A game that exists.”

“Bored? Try billiards: Hustle your friends and take their money. Billiards: Ending friendships since 1343.”

“I see horrible things when I close my eyes!”

“Thank you for choosing Consolidated Coach Corporation: Entertainment Division. We know it’s a big decision who entertains your party guests, and we are privileged to have been chosen!”

“If you’re looking for a beatdown, then you’ve come to the right place!”

“Warning: Persons attacking attendant will be banned from lounge.”

“Be advised: Damaging Consolidated Coach Corporation property is punishable by death in 12 of the 53 states.”

“Keep testing me, asshole! Just watch what happens!”

“Keep testing me, buddy! Just watch what happens!”

“Assaulting the lounge attendant is a class F felony. In this case, the F stands for ‘Fuuuuck you!’”

“Assaulting the lounge attendant is a class F felony.”

“Please refrain from damaging the lounge attendant. I am both physically and emotionally fragile.”

“Looks like someone needs to loosen up! Relax, have a drink, back the fuck up or suffer the consequences!”

“Looks like someone needs to loosen up! Relax, have a drink, back up or suffer the consequences!”

“Looks like somebody’s about to reconsider their life choices!”

“Hey, asshole, I’m telling you to stop or I’m cutting you off!”

“Hey, buddy, I’m telling you to stop or I’m cutting you off!”

“Lounge privileges have been fucking revoked!”

“Lounge privileges have been revoked!”

“My reason for being here should come as no surprise. The A.D.A.M. Initiative? Project Toy Soldier? I am aware of the advanced robotics programs happening at this facility. I had to come see for myself if the rumours were true. This is a secret the Government shall not keep from us!! I don’t care if it’s been sixty years!” 

 

"Oh, you mean to say you're not familiar with the A.D.A.M initiative? The Home Service Robot meant to cater to it's owner's every need? It was supposed to revolutionize the world, except there was a problem. According to various internet forums I subscribe to, the robots began experiencing emotions! This became exponentially more problematic when Project Toy Soldier was started. They turned their robots into killer-soldiers, but the robots did not wish to die! But that was only the start of where it all went wrong."

 

"There are two theories over why this project was abandoned. Theory number 1; The facility's computer system went haywire and took control of the A.D.A.M.s. Makes sense, but there is little evidence to support it. Theory number 2: An incident occured that led to the creation of an artificial intelligence. This entity took control of the facility, turning the A.D.A.M.s against the facility's occupants. I don't think I'll buy Theory 2. I've read my science-fiction, and an A.I. gone rogue seems much more plausible. Regardless, after the facility was shut down, the robotics programmes were discontinued."

 

"I maintain what I've always said: The robots at this facility are still alive! How else do you explain this place? We're in the middle of a desert, yet this facility still has power. The grass is green and the buildings are well maintained. Who do you think is taking care of this place? There hasn't been a human here in decades. The robots....the ones that stand so perfectly still, they are the caretakers. And now I fear we've angered them." 

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen:: "Hooray! The gang’s all here again! Isn’t it so nice to be reunited? Especially after all that nasty business on the Moon"

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: The nasty didn’t stop there. Unless my mind’s playing tricks on me, I think we all got poked and prodded without our consent!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski I am not in mood for celebrating, but I am in mood for drowning sorrows! *gulping, belching*

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: We may fight together, but we are no team, Richtofen! You betray us far too… er, frequently!

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Not sure I agree. Two Richtofens just seems like twice as big a pain in the ass. By the way, I told you before, it’s ooh-rah, not hooray.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: You led your compatriots on a journey as destructive and insane as one our own Richtofen took us on. Now, things must change.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki:: I would request that you not be so flippant. Many of us have endured suffering beyond what you may realize.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Honestly, if you’re going to hold a grudge against me just because I dismantled und disrupted the stability of space and time, then… let’s go our separate ways! Right now!

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: No one else going to talk about how we were experimented on? What, we all just supposed to forget?

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: I agree, let’s celebrate with a drink… Everyone brought their own, right?

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: To leave the battlefield before the war is over would be mooooost dishonorable!

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: We got a mission to think of, jackass, that’s all that matters. (sighs) Damn it, how long has it been since I submitted a field report?

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: This is not about you, Richtofen, this is about all of us, and how we may return world to normality!

(Primis) Takeo Masaki:: As mere mortals, forgiveness is not ours to grant. Nor is it our place to judge.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: What I’m trying to say is that we’ve all made mistakes! So let’s forgive und forget! Wouldn’t that be sweeeeet?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: There was something bothering me. Something about something that happened to us. What the hell was it?

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: I don’t know about forgiving, but I’m alllllways forgetting. Even just today, I forgot allll about fact we are looking for Elemental Shard.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Why do you make such an appeal, Richtofen? Never before have you cared for the feelings of others!

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: No offense, Richtofen, but I trust you about as far as I can throw you. Which is probably about ten yards. With a good wind behind me.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: I already explained our purpose, Richtofen. We are here to secure Elemental Shard. Maybe then, we can repair damage that has been done to Universe.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki:: Mistakes? Even the Richtofen I know would not dare trivialize our suffering!

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(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Anyone else a little antsy about taking orders from a Commie? No offense, Nikolai.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: What a surprise! This Dempsey is just as dumb-headed as the one I’ve come to know und hate over the years! Wunderbar…

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: IIIII like him! Though he doesn’t seem to make enough jokes. Ahem, what do you call Russian with too much vodka? (laughs) Is trick question, da?!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Compared to our Nikolai, this little Nikki appears, er, almost honorable.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Oh give him a chance, he’s new to all this. (In patronizing tone) His poor little Russian brain must be ready to burst.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: I will ignore your disrespect on this occasion, soldier. But make no mistake, I am in charge. Failure to follow orders may result in bit of… death.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: He promised us an end to our suffering. He spoke of a great battle. If nothing else, a chance to die with honor.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: This Marine will fight the good fight wherever it may take him. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: There are few things I enjoy more than you being unhappy, Dempsey. It honestly brings a big smile to mein face. *strained* Look! Can’t you see how much I’m smiling!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: I know just how you feel, Dempsey, I am not liking this trip either. Too hot, too dry. Especially without enough lubrication.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Ho-oh! Wait until you are knee-deep in fleshbags, Dempsey! Then, I think you will like it very much!

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Surely following orders is its own reward, Dempsey. Or should I call you, “Tank”? To avoid any confusion?

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Take joy from doing duty, Dempsey. When we recover Elemental Shard, I am sure your heart will swell with pride.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: You are very headstrong, Tank Dempsey! The version of you that I know has been humbled by experience.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Complainin’ ain’t gonna help anyone, so we may as well get on with it. Hey! Anyone see a big funky shard layin’ around?!

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen:: That’s the spirit, Dempsey. Never be afraid to ask for help, especially when you are a complete Dummkopf like yourself! Ah-hah-ah! Ah…

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: It’ll probably be in last place we look… That is where things usually are. I know because I always find them there, then stop looking.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: (shushing) Why do you reveal our secret mission, Dempsey?! There may be ears everywhere…

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Okay, I’ve decided. “Tank”’s too impersonal, doesn’t really give any sense of the long und joyous history we share. For simplicity, I’m just going to call you “stupid Dempsey”.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Please keep voice down, Dempsey. We do not know who might be listening besides me.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Ugh, you are very aggressive, even for American. Perhaps meditation could help you relax.

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(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Boy I hope other Nikolai is here. (chuckles) He really seemed to know what he was doing. Very determined… like thirsty man. (belch)

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Silly fool… two versions of the same being in the same dimension is very, very risky. Bad things can happen…

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Serious question, Nik, if you and the other Nikolai stand in front of a mirror, how many Nikolais do you see? Heh-heh, four?

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Sadly, I believe he is not here. It is a pity. He was like a… better, stronger, more reliable Russian.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: The other Nikolai isn’t here right now, but I’m sure he’s watching with pride as you try your absolute hardest. Like a little puppy with undeveloped hind legs.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Your other half seemed kinda… sober, Nik. Don’t you find that even a bit inspiring?

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: You are very different from the Nikolai I know, Nikolai. Whatever sorrows he had did not drown. In fact, I believe they learned to swim.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: (drinking) Urgh… Wha-...What did I say we had to do? I don’t remember listening and I definitely don’t remember saying.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Don’t worry, Nikolai, things will work out! They always do! Hah-hah-hah! Only joking! You’re going to go insane!

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: We need to find some kind of Elemental thing. I’m sure we’ll know it when we see it.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Who is bigger fool? Fool who leads, or fool who follows him? Ha! I am no fool!

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Keep trying, Nikolai, I’m sure it will come to you… eventually.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Just because your better self knows what he’s doing doesn’t mean you do. In fact, there are probably rocks around here with a better grasp of our goals.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Our Nikolai is the one who possesses newfound wisdom. You? You appear only to possess red and sweaty face.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Ah yes! I remember, we have to find Elemental Shaft! Is probably big hole in ground… try not to fall in…

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: That can’t be right! Are you sure you’re not getting confused mein kleine Russian friend?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: I think you’re trying too hard, Nik. Ain’t no one around here expecting you to do anything… other than fall on your drunk ass.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Ah, thank you for warning, Nikolai. I will be very careful to look out for deadly traps.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Well done, Nikolai. You’re almost completely correct! Apart from all the details you got wrong.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Is it just me, or are you getting dumber, Nikolai? I mean… is that even possible?
(Primis) Takeo Masaki: If that is what the Kronorium told us, then that is what will likely happen. We are merely pawns in a bigger game.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Hmmmmmm… What strange and irregular circumstances have led us to this place? That was rhetorical! I am merely musing!

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Musing? Do you really think that’s an appropriate use of your time? Couldn’t you be hacking und slashing with your big Samurai sword…

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Been a weird ride so far, Tak. Can’t quite get my head ‘round meeting these other versions of ourselves. Shit’s crazy...

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: I am very amusing too, Takeo! I have heard it said many times, especially when I get drunk and do trick with little Nikolai and orange, heh…

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Mmmm, I too love a good muse, Takeo. Nothing better, quite frankly. At the end of a hard day I like to kick off mein shoes und settle in for a really good muse… (sigh)

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Well don’t muse too long, Takeo. You don’t want a meatsack filling up his belly with your… uh… meat.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Strange indeed, Takeo. If only you knew whole story, though perhaps it is better you do not.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: We must remember our purpose! The reason we are here. Our position would be verrrrry perilous if we were to forget!

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Ha! Don’t be so dramatic! I’ve remembered more than you will ever forget, Takeo! Ah-hah, wait, is that right?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: What is there to remember, Tak? We got another infestation of pus-bucket maggot-sacks that need exterminatin’. Simple!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: I think I started drinking to forget… though I do not remember why.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Do not talk to me about memory loss, Takeo. It’s been something of a thorn in my side for some considerable time.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: I ain’t forgotten shit. Especially not what Richtofen got me to do in that damn castle.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: I am here to remind us all, Takeo. Like lighthouse before tempestuous sea, I will steer us away from rocks.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Hmmm… The artifact the thinner Russian spoke of… a Shard… Elemental… That is why we are here.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Ohhhhhh, you are so very, very booooring, Takeo. I’ve got to be honest, I’m starting to miss the atmosphere of the Moon…

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Fair enough, Tak. Let’s find this Shard thingy and get the Hell outta dodge!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: Sounds like good plan, let’s have another drink to celebrate! (Russian phrase)

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: That’s right Takeo! Top marks for paying attention! When we find the Elemental Shard, I’m sure Nikolai will explain why he wants it.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem a little uptight compared to the Tak I know. What’s the word I’m looking for? … Inscrotable. Yeah, yeah that’s it.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Thinner Russian? I am Nikolai! Just same as your thicker Russian. Is only vodka that makes him so… cuddly.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

(Primis) Edward Richtofen:: Well, don’t look at me for answers. I’ve officially washed my hands of trying to do the right thing. We’re all in the culpable hands of Nikolai… (slow clap) Big round of applause, please! (slow clap)

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: I’ve only known you for a short time, German, but you’re starting to irritate me almost as much as our Richtofen!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: Do not think me too drunk to notice your sarcasm, German! My brother from other mother knows what he is doing, as do I.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: You do not take this seriously?! What are you, strange Richtofen? Ally? Or trickster?

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Oh don’t give me that crap. You were the one who handed the damn book to Nikolai. You must have had a pretty good reason.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Do not mock me, Richtofen. You of all people should understand gravity of situation, and what is at stake.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki:: Nikolai has been walking a path to enlightenment, for a long time. I believe he may be approaching his destination.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: So now that we’ve all had a chance to settle in, does anyone have any idea why we’re here? I mean, I know I’m not one to talk, but it’s all a bit drab und depressing, isn’t it?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Considering we spent the last few months being trussed up, tortured, and experimented on, I’d say we traded up.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: Awww, you are big negative Nancy, German! I trust comrade brother with my life! Or my wife! I would even let him use my plow!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: You speak in riddles, German, much like the Richtofen I know. The one who led us to destroy the Earth?! Hmmm?!

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Despite all that’s happened to us, you’re not much of a team player are you, Richtofen? More a my way or the highway kinda guy, right?

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Looks can be deceiving, Richtofen. Sometimes, maybe this time, there is more than meets eye.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Nikolai seems convinced of the book’s accuracy. He would not have brought us here without good reason.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Oh, ja, I remember. Something about an Elemental Shard. Hooray for Nikolai. He always takes us on such fun days out.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Lighten up, sauerkraut, your attitude is starting to irritate me. Don’t make me shoot you.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: Hmm, worry not comrade. We will find this Hell-or-mental Chart, er… whatever it may be.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: I only hope that this other Nikolai has more confidence in his plans than you do, German.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Hey, I ain’t overjoyed with the situation either, Richtofen, but frankly, it looks a lot sweeter than some of the places you dragged us to.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: You would not be so mocking if you knew what I have seen, Richtofen. You would cower in fear, and beg for His mercy.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Something has changed in you, Richtofen. You no longer have the fire in your eyes that I saw in the castle. Or even the island.

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(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Hmm… something about this place… maybe it’s the sky, maybe it’s the air… whatever it is, kinda reminds me of home.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Ah, that would probably make sense! I did do a lot of work with the Americans. Who knows what crazy purposes they put it through! Ah-hah-hah!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: (gasps) This is beautiful neighborhood! Who are millionaires who live in such luxury?

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: We are not here to see the sights, Dempsey. The other Russian told us clearly what we must do.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Ooh, not often we go poking around in your country’s business, is it, Dempsey? Ha ha. Uh, ha.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: It is home, Dempsey. Untied States of America! Nevada, very hot, like evil Siberia.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Home? I fear I no longer remember mine. It is a long and twisted journey we have taken.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: So, let’s get down to business. What was it Nikolai said we were here for? Some kinda… artifact?

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: I do hope they’ve done some devious experiments around here. I do love experiments, especially devious ones. But only when I am the Doctor!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: (Russian phrase) I did not say anything! I think you have me mixed up with someone else. Richtofen, maybe.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Ohhh, you would be wise to listen closely in the future, Dempsey. A closed ear is a closed mind.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Ja, the Elemental Shard. Though, why Nikolai wants it, I don’t know. He’s never shown interest in such things before.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: I am right here, Dempsey. As I have told you several times, we are here to find Elemental Shard.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: I believe Nikolai is only giving us a sketch of what lays ahead of us. Perhaps for good reason.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Okay, I think I got it. Even with Nikolai calling the shots, it’s just business as fucked-up usual.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Hmm, maybe I should just wander off and do my own thing… See what kind of trouble I can get into…

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: Oh, I remember, you are talking about that other Nikolai! One who rescued us from American base.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: No, Dempsey, it is our honor and our privilege to undertake such perilous quests.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Oh, Dempsey. Aren’t you in the least bit eager to help Nikolai save your eternal soul? If not your soul, then surely that big, beefy body of yours?

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: However much you make light of situation, Dempsey, I know that you know we have to follow this path.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Remember, Dempsey: Both our souls are at stake. Perhaps even Richtofen’s too. If indeed such a thing exists.

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(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Comrades! Today is glorious new day. We are here to change destiny for better. Not just our own, but that of whole world.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: What kind of deranged lunatic put you in charge, Nikolai?! Oh wait, it was me! Ah-hah! Ahem…

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: I don’t know how shit got this messed up, but can anyone tell me why we’re taking orders from a damn Commie?!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Russian! I hope you prove superior leader to the German! He led us only to destruction!

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Nicely done, Nikolai. I think you exuded just the right amount of confidence. Especially knowing that you must be holding in lots of… juicy secrets.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: So, you’re in charge now, Nikolai. Ahh, boy, this should be interesting. You gonna try being less cryptic than Richtofen?

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: I hope your plans include the preservation of our eternal souls. Whatever may become of us, ultimately, I would at least like to be at rest.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: We are here for one reason: To find Elemental Shard. It is artifact that will be essential on next phase of journey.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: You really have done well for yourself, mein Russian friend! So much better than the bloated buffoon I know as Nikolai.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: You know what, other Nik? You sound just as crazy as the Doc! This better not be like that Golden Rod business!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: I am a little reluctant. Witnessing the destruction of the Earth has left me weary of such endeavours.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Well said, Nikolai. I like how you clearly laid out our goals for the day. I’m sure everyone finds it very refreshing.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: So, I’m guessing that’s a no on the less cryptic than Richtofen front? Elemental freaking shard… next freaking phase… puh-lease…

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Will you share what else the Kronorium revealed? What exactly is the next phase of our journey?

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Please comrades, we must be united! At least show same trust in me as you have all shown to Richtofen! That is all I ask!

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Oh, lighten up, Nikolai, you are such a stuffy pants! (chuckles) Have a drink, why don’t you?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: You sure got some delusions of grandeur there, Nik. Besides that, I ain’t ever trusted that German S.O.B.!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Ohhh, you speak with honor, thinner Nikolai! I pledge my blade and service to your cause!

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Is that a dig at me, Nikolai? I’d ask you to remember that I’m the only reason you weren’t all wiped from existence. Wow. Talk about ungrateful.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Easy for you to say, Nik. You’re the only one whose soul isn’t MIA right now.
(Primis) Takeo Masaki: It is reassuring and inspiring to hear you speak from the heart, Nikolai.  

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(Primis) Takeo Masaki: A new dawn. A fresh start. A chance, perhaps, to finally undo the sins of the past. To help our souls find peace.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: You’re being very melodramatic, Takeo. Und coming from me, (chuckles) that’s, that’s really saying something.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Wow, Tak. I’ve always had a soft spot for you, but… that damn near brought a tear to my eye.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: You are very big with mouth, Takeo, have you been drinking? Ahhh-hah! If so, do you have any left?

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Those were deeply soulful words, Takeo. Which is particularly impressive given that your soul is currently MIA. Sorry! Too soon.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: I hope so, Takeo, because you and I have got one major thing in common, and it’s something we both ain’t got. Our souls!

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: I am honored by your faith in our mission, Takeo. I am proud to call you ally, and friend.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: The book told us what we must do. Secure the Elemental Shard. This I remember clearly. It will be the next step of an unknown walk.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen:: Elemental Shard?! Now you’re talking my language, Takeo! I’m sure along the way there will be plenty of time for bloodshed, ja?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: So what’s the plan? Pile the meatsack corpses high enough to get a good overview of the whole AO?

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Hah, I love books. I had many. One by Tolstoy, one with pictures of fully brassiere, one under kitchen table leg, I could go on. One next to toilet for emergencies, da?

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: Glad to hear that, Takeo. Nothing worse than being forgetful. And we all know how easily that can happen in our… situation.

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Now that I think about it, as much as I’m glad to see another me out and about… has he got a soul? Or is it just one between all of us?

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski: Da, Takeo, that is what must do. But it will not be easy. I wish I could forewarn you of what is to come, but, I cannot.

(Primis) Takeo Masaki: Tread carefully, allies. I believe there is much more to this make-believe facility than meets the eye.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: I’m pretty sure it’s American, so there’s a good chance that it’s actually less than meets the eye.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: What do you mean ‘make-believe’? The American dream’s all about make-believe. Hell, I make-believe thinking about Jugger-girl at least twice a week.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: It all looks bit of fake, like American propaganda showing pictures of families with more than one potato.

(Primis) Edward Richtofen: I think it looks very boring. Just think of the exciting places I used to take you! You loved that castle, Takeo! Obviously the Division 9 thing didn’t help with the homesickness quite the way I hoped it would…

(Primis) Tank Dempsey: Ain’t getting any disagreement from me, Tak. Reckon this whole thing’s a front for something else. And I’m bettin’ it ain’t a cat house.

(Primis) Nikolai Belinski:: We will be here for while, Takeo. We will explore everything. Besides finding Shard, there are other things that need to be uncovered.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Hey, Richtofen! You happen to catch the name of this place when we arrived?

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Can’t say that I did, Dempsey! Judging by your laughter, I take it that you did?

U. I just think it’s funny that we ended up somewhere called Camp Edward.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: You’re not very mature, are you Dempsey? In fact, I would go as far as to say you are a little schoolboy trapped in an adult body.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Seriously, though, Edward, what do you really think about our other selves? I mean you must be doing cartwheels with another you on the scene.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Oh, Dempsey! Dear, Dempsey, I am not quite as self-obsessed as you seem to think. Not everything is about me, you know!

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: I’m just mad that I don’t get more time to hang out with brother from another mother… He seems like a good dude.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Really? If I am one hundred percent honest, the other Dempsey seems a little bit… neutered.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Well, the fact that our other “me’s” seem to have their heads screwed on may be a good thing.

(Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: I know what you mean, Dempsey, but don’t you ever crave some… INSANITY?! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: I am warning you, German. Nikolai and I… Nikolai’s eyes… Nikolai’s… We are watching you closely.

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Oh don’t worry about me, Nikolai! I am a spent force… (gasps for air) Truly spent…

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: How do I know you are not planning another scheme to cause terrible to all parts of world? And Nikolai?

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: My dear simple Russian, my perspective has changed! Especially after mein brief experiences as a little girl… und a zombie.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Sometimes you sound like drunk, Richtofen. Always in land of fantasy… and stupid anger.

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: How dare you! Mein anger is never stupid! Sorry I shouted at you Nikolai, I know it must be difficult what with your smart, handsome, sober brother showing swinging his big, fat soul in your face.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: What of your soul, Richtofen?! Did you ever even have one?

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: We shouldn’t argue, Nikolai, but just so you know, I definitely had a soul. A really good one. (In squeaky voice) I was such a good little boy…
(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: (belching) I’m thirsty.

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Must be fun not to feel like the only Samurai in town, right Takeo?

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: Our interactions thus far have been somewhat limited.

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Of course! Same here, best to keep a distance. Who knows what trouble we could get into if we were to get too close to our counterparts.

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: They seem to carry a great sadness with them. A pain that burns them very deeply.

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Oh I can’t argue with that, Takeo. They definitely seem to be at least a teensy bit down in the dumpsters.

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: Indeed. Truly we are much more similar than perhaps we realize. Really. 

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Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: What of your agenda now, Richtofen? Are you seeing the error of your ways, or do you crave yet more mayhem and destruction?

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: I’m kind of looking forward to seeing how everything unfolds, und what exactly my role will be in it all. Very exciting!

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: I will be watching you veeery carefully, Richtofen. Veeery carefully, indeed.

Ultimis) Edward Richtofen: Goodness me, Takeo, when did you become so suspicious? … Oh, ja, I remember.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: I had very bad dream. Bad things happen to us. To me, you, Takeo. I do not remember details.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Wow, Nikolai, what happened to your usual breezy, happy-go-lucky self?

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: I think I am depressed… Jokes do not come easy.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Oh come on, surely you got one about your wife? Wasn’t she a tall, short, thin, big, happy, sad, angry, loving kind of woman? (laughs)

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Oy… I have headache. America is not as much fun as expected. My arms are still sore from pokey-pokey doctors.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Yeah, and I think it was Richtofen behind it all. All I’m saying is I don’t remember seeing him on the next bunk, you know what I mean?

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: I think other Nikolai knows what he is doing. He is keeping close eyes on… German activities…

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Hope so, Nikolai, because last time we were royally screwed.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: (belches) Have we found shard yet? I remember opening bottle to celebrate, but maybe occasion was different.
(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: You know what, Nikolai? Pass it here. I think I could use one.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: What you reckon, Tak? Does following a sober Nikolai and two crazy Doc’s sound like a smart idea to you?

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki: We can only hope that our counterparts provide some semblance of balance.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Talkin’ about our other selves, what’d you make of the other, er, Takeo? Seems to me like he’s got a stick up his ass.

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: IIIII… I like him. He expresses feelings I sometimes cannot. He’s, er… eloquent.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Other me seems a bit serious too. What’s he got to mope about? I mean, he gets to be me! (chuckles)

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Other Dempsey is like a Tank whose armor has been broken. Hmmmmmm… did he tell you what our counterparts did?

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: What do you mean did? Huh? There something I should know, Tak? 

Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: They, uh, our other selves have fought, died, and lose their souls many, many times in the pursuit of peace.

(Ultimis) Tank Dempsey: Wow… bummer.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Hey, Takeo! Remember how much fun we had on Moon?!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: No, Nikki. We did not have fun. Richtofen unleashed evil forces and destroyed the planet!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: I forget many details, Takeo! My wife says I forget her birthday… s.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Oh, poor Nikki. Mind is like a fishing net with very large holes… and fishy thoughts are… very tiny.

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Wait, I remember being in torture room with bad doctors.

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: We were experimented upon, Nikki! More than once!

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski:: Who tortured us, Takeo? Who is to blame? (gulps) I will have my revengeance! 

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: Center your mind, Nikolai. Find peace within yourself! 

(Ultimis) Nikolai Belinski: Hey, Takeo! Remember how much fun we had on Moon?!

(Ultimis) Takeo Masaki:: (sighs) Yes, Nikki… we did have fun…

(Primis) Dempsey: So, if some folks are to be believed, you are what’s known as the bad Richtofen…

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Bad?! You say that like it’s an insult. Anyway, being bad just happens to be something that I’m really good at.

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(Primis) Dempsey: I gave him a lot of shit, but somewhere deep down, I kinda hoped my Richtofen was actually trying not to be an asshole.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: And how did my overly-emotional doppelganger do? He failed. He messed everything up. Just like when he wet the bed…

(Primis) Dempsey: Listen to me you Nazi. Compared to you, I’m really starting to like my Richtofen. So I don’t care what he did as a kid.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: I was talking about last night. In the bunks.

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(Ultimis) Richtofen: Anyway, Dempsey, I think we got off on the wrong feet. I’m a changed man. I have absolutely zero intention of blowing anything… up.

(Primis) Dempsey: Glad to hear it. So long as you behave, we’ll get along just fine.

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(Ultimis) Richtofen: Ooooh, I had an extremely interesting thought!
(Primis) Dempsey: Whatever you’re thinking of doing, Richtofen, don’t do it!

(Primis) Nikolai:: I am watching you, German.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Me? What have I done? Honestly, why can’t you Russians ever get over the various horrors I have visited upon your people? So sensitive…

(Primis) Nikolai:: I know much of what you have done, but little of why you did it. One truth remains undeniable, you are an evil that must be stopped.

(Ultimis) Richtofen Gasp! Nikolai! I never knew you could be so mean! What did my other self do to hurt you so badly? (strained) Did he shoot you in the face?

(Primis) Nikolai:: You are insane. Far more so than Richtofen I know. He at least has dignity.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Dignity?! I have more dignity in mein entire body than you do in your little. Fat. Chubby. Finger!

(Primis) Nikolai: If you care to live to see another tomorrow, I suggest you close mouth and fight as part of team.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Okay, you won’t hear a peep out of me. That’s it, I’ve taken a vow of silence, starting... now… But you’re going to miss me.

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(Ultimis) Richtofen: Honestly, it’s been so quiet around here… Do you miss me yet, Nikolai? … Nikolai? … Nik? … Peeeeeeep!
(Primis) Nikolai:: Not yet, Richtofen. Try being quiet little bit longer. Maybe million years.

(Primis) Takeo:: I know it was a long time ago; Another world. But I saw your death… do you remember such an event?

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Remember it?! Of course I don’t remember it! When you get shot in the face, memory loss is one of the most common side effects!

(Primis) Takeo:: You know of what I speak. You have touched the Aether. Within the pyramid device. You have seen the infinite.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: I wouldn’t say seen so much as poked my head around the door, or fiddled around with the interesting bits…

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(Primis) Takeo:: I have to believe Nikolai knows what he is doing, but I would be lying if I told you I knew why he needs you.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Really? Don’t you realize how essential I am to everything? P.S. He probably thinks I’m going to betray everyone with some last minute scheme. 

(Primis) Takeo:: Dare you be honest with me? And yourself? Will you betray us, Richtofen?

(Ultimis) Richtofen: (whispering) Ask Nikolai. The one without vomit down the front of his uniform. He knows everything.

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(Primis) Takeo: Though we may fight together in this battle, I am glad you are not the Richtofen I fought with in the war.

(Ultimis) Richtofen: Sorry, Takeo, I completely tuned out there for a moment. What did you say about me being fantastic?

(Primis) Richtofen: Tank Dempsey, if I could please speak with you a moment, it would really mean a lot to me.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: You and me ain’t got nothing to talk about. I know you well enough to know that I don’t like you one bit.

(Primis) Richtofen: I know my counterpart can be a bit… eccentric. Annoying, even, but we’re really very different.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: You’re both crazy German scientists, so don’t go splittin’ hairs! 

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(Ultimis) Dempsey: Give me one reason why I should think you’re any different than your evil twin!

(Primis) Richtofen: Uh… there was this one time I… uh… I, well… shot him in the face.

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(Ultimis) Dempsey: Hey, Treyarch, this guy’s buggin’ me. How do I kick him from the game?

(Primis) Richtofen: Whoever you think you’re talking to, Dempsey, I don’t think they’re listening.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Frankly, Doc, I’d rather scream into the void than talk to you for another second.

(Primis) Richtofen: I hate you, Dempsey. I hope you know that.

(Primis) Nikolai: Your distrust of Richtofen has always seemed unwavering. Can I rely on you to keep close eye on him.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Way ahead of you, Nik. But just so you know, I’m keeping an eye out for American interests, nothing more.

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(Primis) Nikolai: I have seen Richtofen’s many shades of madness firsthand. You have witnessed likewise, Dempsey.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Only madness I’ve seen in the Doc is the pure damn evil kind. Frankly if he’s still standing at the end of this, I’m gonna be pissed.

(Primis) Nikolai: Richtofen has already made bigger sacrifices than you realize, Dempsey. Must bigger.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Whatever he sacrificed, it wasn’t enough. He should be burning in Hell.

(Primis) Nikolai: If you really want to see pain in Richtofen’s eyes, ask him about Dimension 2210.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: I’m gonna leave that dimension shit up to others to think about. Partially because I’ve got meatsacks to kill, but also, because I don’t give two shits about that kraut bastard!

(Primis) Nikolai: Maybe killing meatsacks is all you are good for, Tank Dempsey.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Hey, don’t go thinking I’m a one tricky pony. I can also play the kazoo like a motherfucker!

(Primis) Takeo: I am happy to fight alongside you, other Dempsey. Yours is a good soul. And you died with honor.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Thanks, Tak, much appreciated… Wait, what?!

(Primis) Takeo: Your soul, like mine, is encased within the Summoning Key, its future, uncertain.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Summoning what?! You’re talking more riddles than Tak 1. Shouldn’t you be seeking the praise of the Emperor or somethin’?

(Primis) Takeo: (sigh) I no longer speak of the Emperor… I was betrayed. Deeply betrayed.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Damn, ain’t that a kick in the monkeys.

(Primis) Takeo: Your namesake suffered similar indignity. He watched himself die. Not in battle, but in sleep.

(Ultimis) Dempsey: Whoa… if I ever have to go out that way, just… do me a favor and shoot me in the head.

(Primis) Takeo: Sometimes, Tank Dempsey, ignorance is a blessing.
(Ultimis) Dempsey: Ooh-rah to that, Tak, old buddy.

(Primis) Richtofen: So, Nikolai, do you think you can stay sober long enough to enjoy our trip to America?

(Ultimis) Nikolai: Are we in America? Is hard to tell without deafening sound of heavy country music.

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(Primis) Richtofen: I hope you don’t think this too forward, Nikolai, but I would love to meet your wife.

(Ultimis) Nikolai: Ehh, I do not know why you ask, but that would be difficult to arrange, eh, she is, eh, in many different places.

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(Primis) Richtofen: I do wonder how cathartic it could have been had you ever made it to Stalingrad.

(Ultimis) Nikolai:: Stalingrad? I think I have been. I fought traitor Russian with my big armored tank… machine.

(Primis) Richtofen: It’s almost like there’s some kind of... common memory. Shared regardless of individual experience… a hivemind.

(Ultimis) Nikolai:: You sound drunk, Richtofen. How many have had you, I mean, how many have you had?

(Primis) Richtofen:: I’m sorry you are the way you are, Nikolai. I’m sorry he, me, us, I don’t know, did all those terrible experiments on you.

(Ultimis) Nikolai:: Ahh, I like experiments. Especially experiments with vodka. I remember one time I experimented so hard, I actually time travelled. I went from Sunday to Wednesday with no time in between.

(Primis) Dempsey: Okay, Nikolai, if you can’t stay sober, at least keep your weapon pointed at someone else. Preferably Richtofen. Either one.

(Ultimis) Nikolai: I am sorry my yank American friend. You and I have always been close, da?

(Primis) Dempsey: Try and follow your comrade’s example. It could help you stay focused and shoot straight.

(Ultimis) Nikolai: I always shoot straight! There are no wet floors in Belinski bathroom.

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(Primis) Dempsey: You think you can keep one of your bloodshot eyes on Richtofen? I don’t trust him… He may be up to something.

(Ultimis) Nikolai: Richtofen is always up to something. It is hobby. Evil hobby.

(Primis) Dempsey: I’m just sayin’, Nik, if it looks like he’s about to pull the trigger on a damn H-Bomb or something, I need to know you’ll be willing to put him down.

(Ultimis) Nikolai: I would not worry about H-Bombs, Dempsey, F-Bombs on other hand… (chuckles)

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(Primis) Dempsey: Hey, Nikolai, would you be offended if I talked to someone else for a while? You know, someone less… someone more… someone else?
(Ultimis) Nikolai: Sure, Dempsey! I have to catch up with other friend! (chuckles) Heeeeey baby, how you been? (chuckles) Did you miss me? (laughs) (gulps)

(Primis) Takeo: It would do you well to stop drinking, Nikolai.

(Ultimis) Nikolai: (gasps) Why would I stop drinking, Takeo? (chuckles) (singing) It is fuuuuuun! (chugs)

(Primis) Takeo: The only fun you experience, Nikolai, is that which removes you from reality. It cannot last forever.

(Ultimis) Nikolai:: You are very serious man, Takeo. I think too serious.

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(Primis) Takeo: It is not my place to pry, but please, Nikolai. Tell me why there is sadness in your heart.

(Ultimis) Nikolai:: What do you mean, sadness in my heart? Wha- You think I have big bullet hole in chest where heart was blasted with shotgun? (belches and laughs)

(Primis) Takeo: I believe your anger has not yet been dealt with. Something in your past troubles you both. Greatly.

(Ultimis) Nikolai:: Ahhh, you are tree-ing up wrong bark, Takeo. Let me, eh, think of joke. I tell you in minute.

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(Ultimis) Nikolai:: Two Russians walk into bar, barman says, ‘Why long face?’ First Russian says, ‘Maybe parents had long faces.’ Second Russian doesn’t say anything, he is nice…

(Primis) Takeo: Though humor is very subjective, Nikolai, what I was just subjected to… was not funny.

(Primis) Richtofen: I don’t know how many Richtofens you’ve met Takeo, but let me reassure you about one thing… I am the nicest one.

(Ultimis) Takeo: I find that very hard to believe, Richtofen. You are all equally unlikable and unreliable.

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(Primis) Richtofen: Answer me a question my simple Samurai friend. What do you really want?

(Ultimis) Takeo: To bring honor to the Emperor and the glorious Empire! (scoff) Ridiculous question!

(Primis) Richtofen: Is there not somewhere you really want to go, Takeo? Somewhere peaceful? Perhaps sitting under a beautiful cherry blossom tree?

(Ultimis) Takeo: Cherry blossom? What do you know of grandfather’s tree?!

(Primis) Richtofen: I don’t think you’ve ever spoken of your grandfather, Takeo. Was he someone you looked up to?

(Ultimis) Takeo: Looked up to? Yes. Looked down on? Also, yes.

(Primis) Richtofen: Well, I’m sure your grandfather and all your lovely ancestors will look down on you proudly, whatever you may choose to do in life.

(Ultimis) Takeo: We will not speak of this again, Richtofen!

(Ultimis) Takeo: Dempsey, however you may differ from the Tank that I know, I hope we can be allies.

(Primis) Dempsey: We’re all in this together, Tak. Whether we like it or not.

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(Primis) Dempsey: If I’m honest, me and your boy, Tak 1… We went through some real shit together. I’m saying there’s feelings we both share. That only the two of us understand.

(Ultimis) Takeo: Erm… I’m not sure I understand… Are you sure this is appropriate conversation?

(Primis) Dempsey: Calm down, Tak… 2. I’m just talking about how much we both had to collect our own souls as part of Richtofen’s grand scheme…

(Ultimis) Takeo: (panicked) Richtofen’s grand scheme?! Oh-hoh, oh no! This is terrible! He will lead us to destruction once more!

(Primis) Dempsey: You really need to calm down, Tak 2. I swear you should be a whole lot more serene than you are.

(Ultimis) Takeo: (sighs) You are right, Dempsey. I know we are on a new path, but the thought of Richtofen scheming brought… flashbacks.

(Primis) Dempsey: Just know this, Tak. I’ve been fighting long and hard enough to know when the end is finally in sight. We got this one.
(Ultimis) Takeo: Got one we have. But the real question remains, how many will we need?!

(Primis) Nikolai:: I trust you fight as well and as bravely as Takeo I know.

(Ultimis) Takeo: I was a warrior. I fought many great battles for the glory of our nation. For the honor of the dying Samurai spirit! I was a hero!

(Primis) Nikolai:: Your actions always speak louder than words, Takeo. I know you will fight with honor.

(Ultimis) Takeo: Honor is almost all I have left. Honor… and the guidance from the spirits of my ancestors.

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(Primis) Nikolai:: We both know Richtofen you know is evil. But do you... think he can ever be redeemed?

(Ultimis) Takeo: Redemption is not for me to decide. Only he can choose his path. What of your Richtofen? Do you believe he can ever be redeemed?

(Primis) Nikolai: I take no pleasure in knowing that he may have already redeemed himself in ways few of us will ever understand. I never before imagined feeling pity for Richtofen… but it is something I can no longer deny.

(Ultimis) Takeo: Pity? For Richtofen? (laughs) I will believe it when I see it, with my own eyes! (laughs)

(Primis) Richtofen:: I’m very sorry that it’s come to this, Dempsey. I mean, I would have loved to have got to this point without having you and Takeo’s souls in… limbo

(Primis) Dempsey:: Yeah… about that whole soul-hole… How come I don’t feel any different without it?

(Primis) Richtofen: What it feels like to have lost your soul, especially at a young age, is a tragedy I do not particularly want to recount.

(Primis) Dempsey:: Ah, your soul, now there’s a question. You said you collected it at Der Riese. But you lied. You bagged your soul way before I did.

(Primis) Richtofen: Like I said, Dempsey, let’s not dwell on the past. It’s all… blood under the bridge.

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(Primis) Dempsey:: What I wanna know is why you passed the book to Nikolai. Why did Mr. German Bossy Boots decide he didn’t wanna be in charge, after all?

(Primis) Richtofen: This really is quite an excellent facade of a typical American suburb… it’s got everything: houses, yards, secret facilities.

(Primis) Dempsey:: We fought our way out of a literal Hellcatraz, Richtofen, where you looked scared shitless for the first time. Question is: Why?

(Primis) Richtofen: He’d gotten a few things wrong, that’s all. Silly old me. Too emotional. Anyway, I had to… ahem… step in.

(Primis) Dempsey: Something’s off with you, Richtofen. More than usual, and I’m damned if I can remember what it is.

(Primis) Nikolai: Are you really going to observe from sidelines, Richtofen? Are you really going to let me decide how we move forward?

(Primis) Richtofen: Well, it’s not really you doing the deciding, is it, Nikolai? It’s pretty much all down to the Kronorium. 

(Primis) Nikolai: Though book tells me what will happen if events play out as intended, it is my choice what to do with that information.

(Primis) Richtofen: Ooh, look at you, Nikolai! Getting all power-hungry und maybe a little too big for your britches?

(Primis) Nikolai: I know why you and book chose me, Richtofen. I am only one among us who knows for sure he has a soul.

(Primis) Richtofen: Well, maybe souls are overrated, Nikolai. Look at me: I’ve not had mine for a very long time, und I’m positively delightful!

(Primis) Nikolai: Though Kronorium showed me all of my past and future, it did not tell me everything of yours.

(Primis) Richtofen: Jaaa, quite the headscratcher, isn’t it, Nikolai? Just wait until you start wrestling with the unpredictabilities of freewill!

(Primis) Nikolai: I am aware of complications, but I will not waver from this path. There will be no more cheating. No more deceit, Richtofen.

(Primis) Richtofen: Certainly not from me, Nikolai. I’ve been around the block far too many times to try and wriggle out of our big finale now.

(Primis) Richtofen: I think Nikolai’s going to do a splendid job, don’t you, Takeo?

(Primis) Takeo: Why do I think you are avoiding certain subjects, Richtofen?

(Primis) Richtofen: Ha! What could I possibly be avoiding, Takeo? I’ve been so transparent lately, I’m practically invisible!

(Primis) Takeo: Hm. That remains to be seen.

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(Primis) Takeo: When we were in the prison, you were fearful. Fearful of what you thought was to come.

(Primis) Richtofen: Why are we even talking about this, Takeo? It all worked out perfectly. We beat the Warden, und escaped our seemingly eternal purgatory, yay.

(Primis) Takeo: That is not what I remember, Richtofen. Something in your story does not add up.

(Primis) Richtofen: Goodness me, Takeo, you’re very paranoid. Next thing you know, you’ll be asking me about blood vials. Nevermind my ramblings, Takeo, I get confused sometimes. (Distressed) There is so much to do, a vessel for Maxis, the opening of the gateway… Nein! I am getting confused!
(Primis) Takeo: ‘Damn these 115-induced delusions.’

(Primis) Nikolai: Do you recognize layout of facility, Dempsey?

(Primis) Dempsey:: Just because I’m American you think I know my way around? Draw me a map of fucking Stalingrad.

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(Primis) Nikolai:: Do you know how long you were trapped inside cycle, Dempsey? 

(Primis) Dempsey:: Depends what you mean by cycle. The constant and seemingly never-ending battle against the undead?

(Primis) Nikolai:: Your memory shifts and blurs, forgetting or remembering different events.

(Primis) Dempsey:: Yeah, I think Richtofen always said it was our exposure to the 115. Causes our brains to go, ‘fritzy’. Pardon the pun.

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(Primis) Dempsey:: Hang on a minute, go back to what you were saying earlier. How long have I been trapped in what cycle?

(Primis) Nikolai:: You have lived it over and over. Sent back to Great War, countless times, always doomed to fall.

(Primis) Dempsey:: So how’s that different to you? Ain’t you been around the same Hellish merry-go-round?
(Primis) Nikolai:: No, because I still have my soul. This is my first time.

(Primis) Dempsey: Hey Tak, we got more skin in this game than most. How’re you seeing the table?

(Primis) Takeo: Erm… I am not sure of what table you speak of, Dempsey.

(Primis) Dempsey: Me and you, you and me. We both got scooped up into the Summoning Key and I ain’t heard anyone say diddly about getting us out! 

(Primis) Takeo: Hm… I see your point. Say, ‘diddly’, indeed.

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(Primis) Takeo: Nikolai still has his soul, how do you think that will come into play?

(Primis) Dempsey: If I’m honest, Tak, I’m not sure how much of Nikolai’s soul is left anyway. Seems like he tried to drown it long ago.

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(Primis) Dempsey: There’s a lot at stake here, Tak, especially with another Richtofen in the mix.

(Primis) Takeo: Hm, another Richtofen indeed. Can we be sure that either is the one who led us to deliver our souls to the Summoning Key?

(Primis) Dempsey: Now that you mention it, my memories of getting out of that prison are pretty hazy.

(Primis) Takeo: There may be forces at play that have not yet made themselves known. We should be weary. Really weary.

(Primis) Takeo: Nikolai, I know you are unlikely to explain any further than Richtofen ever did… but please, tell me how these other…

(Primis) Nikolai: Other us, Takeo? The other version of us? They are very much part of our destiny.

(Primis) Takeo: I am weary of what trouble two Richtofens could spell. It feels very much like double jeopardy.

(Primis) Nikolai: I know what you mean, Takeo, but you have to believe me when I say that I am watching them both very closely.

(Primis) Takeo: As we search to reclaim our souls, I do wonder if either Richtofen ever had one to lose.

(Primis) Nikolai: Believe it or not, Takeo, what I have seen of Kronorium makes me think German may have lost more than we will ever know.

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(Primis) Nikolai: As before, our alliance is fragile, Takeo. I hope you will help us keep it from breaking apart.

(Primis) Takeo: Our greatest strength has always been our unity, Nikolai. Even in our darkest hour, we have stood shoulder to shoulder, united.

(Primis) Nikolai: Thank you, Takeo. I hope I can repay you for your unwavering support and loyalty. 

(Primis) Takeo: We have always been guided by the spirits, Nikolai. I believe they are leading us to our final destination.