Quotes

"I swear... I could see a tunnel... and then, there was a light." - revive_up_2
"And to think, I turned down the Royal Shakespeare Company for this." - wpck_upgrade_5

"Hey, you look familiar. Ever been to Tijuana?" - egg_dolls_5
"What's that, out in the ocean?" - egg_response_10
"Say hi to Cucuy for me!" - kill_crawler_2
"Tell Cucuy I'm comin' for him too." - kill_explo_1
"That was no normal storm, that was Cucuy." - level_start_0
"Ah, is this poison Cucuy?" - perk_phdflopper_0
"Hey Cucuy, who you got workin' for you?" - powerup_carp_1
"Man, this is Cucuy's work." - powerup_double_1
"Cucuy's coming for you man, ooooooh." - riv_resp_ohshit_4
"Fuck you Cucuy!" - round_10_0
"I'm telling you, it's Cucuy's work for sure." - weather_bad_0
"This come from the future or somethin'?" - wpck_human_2
"What a crazy day... Game inside a movie inside a game. Fuck, I don't know." - wpck_upgrade_wait_1

"I guess this is what they meant by Hell freezing over, huh?" - damage_water_1
"Somethin's familiar about you..." - egg_dolls_5
"This damn gun's from the future... A future you ain't gonna see!" - kill_ray_1
"I think the storm blew out the power, best get to fixin'." - level_start_0
"Well son, the Devil makes work for idle hands." - powerup_carp_1
"What the hell in Lucifers name was that?!” - powerup_nuke_0
"He’s halfway to Hell now." - spawn_crawl_3
"End of the world, what do you want me to say? Some 51-liners? Pssh." - wpck_upgrade_wait_2
"Truth is, most of us would just try to make the best of whatever time we got left with our nearest and dearest." - wpck_upgrade_wait_3

egg_skit_1

Nikolai Belinski:  "Ah, I'm blind!  I'm blind, in my eyes!"
Tank Dempsey:  "Holy shit balls, me too!  What did you do Richtofen?!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  I did nothing!  Where's a light switch... Oooh, I think I found a lever! Perhaps this will turn on the light."
Tank Dempsey:  "Ooh, ah!  Let go; that's. not. a. lever. Richtofen!
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Aha!  Shh, do you hear that?"
Nikolai Belinski:  "Sounded like someone outside... Hey you, hey!  I need vodka!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Helloooo, can you help us?  There must be a blown fuse or something... It's dark in here."
*Takeo can be heard barfing*
Tank Dempsey:  "Ah man... that's wet."
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egg_skit_2

Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Ah, much better, now I can see the problem. We must've gone too far into the future. Look, the teleporter's completely broken! The time circuits are damaged, we'll have to reroute the-"
Tank Dempsey:  "Wait, you took us here on purpose?!  Where are we?"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "A better question Dempsey-"
Nikolai Belinski:  "Oooh, look at this blinky light!  Ahaha, what's this button do?"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Nooooo!"
*electronics can be heard buzzing*
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Oh great Nikolai, you've just activate the MTD security system."
Nikolai Belinksi:  "Good!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Excuse me, you outside.  Yeah, the handsome one, we need you to locate the power sources of the security system.  They look like little half-domes with a hole on top, kind of like a big... forget it.  If you destroy those, it should shut down the security system."
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egg_skit_3

*electronics can be heard buzzing*
Tank Dempsey:  "Okay, that did the trick."
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Ah, yes.  Takeo, can you hand me that screw driver?"
*Takeo can be heard barfing*
Tank Dempsey:  "Okay, ew."
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Is that all he's going to do this trip?"
Nikolai Belinksi:  "Ooh, I have such a headache.. I need vodka!"
Tank Dempsey:  "Now ain't the time for drinkin', Nikolai!"
Nikolai Belinski:  "I heartily disagree; now is perfect time for drinking!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Yeah, vodka, that might give me the distraction I-  I mean, good idea!"
Nikolai Belinski:  "See Tank, it's always good time for drinking, eh?"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "There couldn't possibly be anything left to drink in here, could there?"
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egg_skit_3b

Tank Dempsey:  "Okay, that did the trick."
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Ah, yes.  Takeo, can you hand me that screwdriver?"
*Takeo can be heard barfing*
Tank Dempsey:  "Okay, ew."
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Is that all he's going to do this trip?"
Nikolai Belinski:  "Takeo, let's dance, you barfing fool!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "So now that they are occupied, I was wondering, could you do a special errand for me?  I need you to retrieve a very important device; it looks like a long, stiff, hard golden rod...  With fingers on the end, oooohhhhhhh, delightful..."
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egg_skit_4

Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Oh hello, thank you so much."
Tank Dempsey:  "Come on, rectal-fan, it's singin' time."
Nikolai Belinski:  "I feel like dancing with third wife, but she's doing the troika with death."
Tank Dempsey:  "Wait, isn't the troika that dance that needs three people?"
Nikolai Belinski:  "Yeah but third wife big woman, she could do both parts!  When I lie in bed I just *inaudible*, you know."
*Takeo can be heard barfing*
Nikolai Belinski:  "Takeo, let's dance, you barfing fool!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "So now that they are occupied, I was wondering, could you do a special errand for me?  I need you to retrieve a very important device; it looks like a long, stiff, hard golden rod...  With fingers on the end, oooohhhhhhh, delightful...  But it will take an *inaudible* to find the right path."
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egg_skit_5

Tank Dempsey:  "Kinda sick that I have to ask this, but Richtofen, is that a rod in your pocket?"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Nein.  Let's go, I got us what we need."
Nikolai Belinski:  "Haha, yeah.. drunk!"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Thank you so much for your help out there.  Buh-bye!"
*teleporter activation can be heard*
Nikolai Belinski:  "Hey, what happened?"
Tank Dempsey:  "Should I get out and push?"
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "The fuse box must've shorted out, again!!"
Tank Dempsey:  "Oh come on!  This better be more rewarding than last time.  Stupid Gersh."
Nikolai Belinski:  "Vodka!"
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egg_skit_6

Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Thank you again stranger, perhaps we will see you another time!  Goodbye!"
Tank Dempsey:  "Yo, sauerkraut, you never did tell us why we came... wherever this is."
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "All in good time, my clever Dempsey.  All in good time!"
*Takeo can be heard barfing*
Dr. Edward Richtofen:  "Oh, that's what you get for eating raw fish!"
*teleportation sound is heard

"You know, sometimes I feel like I can't remember a time before the zombies. Wait, I really can't. Ehe, maybe it's the vodka... or maybe not." - egg_response_5
"You know Tak, between you and me, there's just somethin' off about that guy, you know?" - egg_response_6

"You know, I kept the power off for my entire first marriage, first wife looked like Nikolai too much. Eh." - egg_response
"Richtofen, I hope you're leading us towards more vodka and less zombies." - egg_response

He doesn't actually speak at all, he just does a lot of barfing.

"It's situations like this that make me wish I hadn't erased their... Umm, I mean... Forcefield, forcefield, stuck behind a forcefield haha. Do you know that tune?" - egg_response_2
"One more piece after this, just one more piece and the world can be mine! Oh, I mean... Forcefield, forcefield, I'm not stuck behind a forcefield." - egg_response_5
"So close now, so very close. I'm almost glad that we're stuck in here, that way there's nothing to jog their memories." - egg_response_8
"The VRIL Generator will be mine, then there's only one more thing I need hahahah!" - egg_response_9