summer vacation

[killallzombies]

i've been meaning to work on this for soooooooooooo long,i enjoy writing even more than i enjoy CoDz

just a note,i usually begin a chapter with a question,its kinda like my signiture

so,here we begin

Chapter 1

Summer

Have you ever had a day that seemed like nothing could go wrong? Then it did

Today was my second week of summer vacation,and i was enjoying it. Playing basket-ball with my grandfather Rick,we all call him Ricky. While my little brother Trevor sat in his kitty-pool. Ricky had a nice,two-story house. With a large hay-field to the west,a small creek to the east and north,and the back-side of a mountain overshadowed us from the south. Our yard had a Geo-Metro in the middle of it,don't ask. With a basketball goal standing against it and two swing-sets placed off to the side of the car.Then,we heard a sound,quite like thunder,ring out threw the sky. The sky was a clear as a crystal,not a cloud to be seen. Then Ricky said

"Looks like a plan's a crashing." He said it so nonchalantly,as if he knew it couldn't be stoped.

Right before our eyes,the plane crashed into our hay field. From our position,about half of a football field away,we could see a man,he stumbled out of the plane,we saw a few sparks of bright blue lightning erupted out of the ground,and something was coming out of it. We saw the man run into the plane,and come back out with a gun. He opened fire towards the things coming out of the ground.Ricky must have walked into the house undetected,because i turn to see him holding a pump-action shotgun,a .22 riffle,and a 30 alt 6.I finally got a good look at the things coming out of the ground,as one pops up ten yards away from me. Its a zombie! The man runs toward us holding an old M1A1 Carbine.He finally reach us as we gave the poor man some covering fire.It turns out the man's name is Ryan,he was taking a cargo of "classified" crates to D.C were it'd be shiped somewere else.

We eventually get backed up to the front door of the house,the 30 alt 6 was really doing some damage as so was the shotgun,but it was relentlassly hard to reload.

It was nightfall,and we'd barred up all the windows in the house,I saw trevor going off to the bathroom,and 2 minutes later,i heard trevor scream.

I busted down the bathroom door,to see.......

(end chapter one)

sooooo,how'd i do

Chapter Two,Rescue

Trevor being draged out of a window by a zombie.I thought of shooting,but was affraid of hitting Trevor.I jumped out of the window to chase after the zombie,I eventually caught up with them.I pulled my trusty knife out,and sliced the zombie's arm off.As soon as Trevor was out of firing range,I shot the zombie with two blast.After i checked Trevor for infection,I noticed the zombie dragged

[Phantom]

I've told you to quit double posting in places that require approval for posting, you only need to do it once, just wait for it to get approved.

[MyLittleHellhound]

Pretty interesting so far, nice first chapter-

Pointers from myself and experience.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

1) Fix up your spelling- I know your computers glitchy or whatever but sometimes bad spelling messes up what your trying to say and makes the story seem less, coherent.

2)Don't mess up your tenses. It's a b*tch to go and check all your tenses sometimes, but it makes the story flow better if you keep changing tenses, the reader gets killed (figuratively).

3)Punctuation- Well I guess this is kind of like spelling, but in a way more important. This prevents readers from mixing up sentences, it's a part of a sentence, not something on it's own. Not putting a comma or period makes a run on sentence which, if you read in your head, kinda messes you up.

Mainly you should fix your spelling and punctuation for next time.

I hope this helps.

MLH

[killallzombies]

I've told you to quit double posting in places that require approval for posting, you only need to do it once, just wait for it to get approved.

it wasn't me this time,it was computer,it does that some times

but usually it says

At least one post has been posted,you might want to edit your post in-light of this

but i'm sorry