tri 4s zombie story

[tri4]

secret cdc research lab

off the coast of america

15:00 hours

within the lab the scientists scurried around. within the airtight chamber the first test subject of the chemical weapon was strapped down on a chair. the scientists watched as the foggy chemical seeped out of the pipes in the chamber. when the mist cleared the could see the subjects dead body still strapped to the chair. the haz-mat team threw him into the dead pile to be burned the next day.

near the lab

02:31 hours

a ship was being swallowed by the waves. as they smashed against the ship. a wave was taking it down. yet the lights of helicopter gave the crew hope. the crew was lifted aboard the helicopter. as the last man was being lifted aboard, a very unlikely thing happened. a bolt of lightning hit the helicopter making it turn on its side for a moment, but the pilot quickly gained control and had it be upright, but at the angle of the helicopter blade the crew member who was coming up's head was severed. while the crew members were in agony the pilots had other things to worry about. the helicopter tail was on fire. the helicopter pilot radioed for landing at the closet landing pad, which happened to be the lab.... as the helicopter landed the fire reached the fuel tank, causing it to crash into the testing compartment where the chemicals were stored. and these chemicals had been tweaked by the scientists. only a hour and a half before.

well im back and please give constructive criticism about my stories. i would like brains, for it would be kind. and please leave commets. Bye! :D

[Ehjookayted]

Hi, I do think you've got something here, but a couple things: it needs to be longer/more developed and using proper capitalization and punctuation just helps with readability overall.

Finally, I know you're new, I understand that, but something we try to do around here is not ask for brains. See, brains are like good reputation, and doesn't it seem weird to ask people to speak well of you? See, it's just weird.

Welcome to the site and this is a solid post, don't get me wrong. I just think it's necessary to be critically constructive when it comes to stories.

[tri4]

Thanks for the advice. ive always had a capitalization problem. im gonna abandon this and make a new story.

[MyLittleHellhound]

Hi, I do think you've got something here, but a couple things: it needs to be longer/more developed and using proper capitalization and punctuation just helps with readability overall.

Finally, I know you're new, I understand that, but something we try to do around here is not ask for brains. See, brains are like good reputation, and doesn't it seem weird to ask people to speak well of you? See, it's just weird.

Welcome to the site and this is a solid post, don't get me wrong. I just think it's necessary to be critically constructive when it comes to stories.

Good story, but I have to agree with Eye here.

Proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation are important, and take away from the story if not used correctly. Your story will not make sense and the reader will find it hard to enjoy if this is not fixed, please remember this for next time.

Other than that, welcome to the site and happy slayin'

[perfectlemonade]

I will only do this for you one time. Let this be a guideline for you, so to speak.

SECRET CDC RESEARCH LAB OFF THE COAST OF AMERICA

1500 HOURS

Within the lab the scientists scurried around. Within the airtight chamber the first test subject of the chemical weapon was strapped down on a chair. The scientists watched as the foggy chemical seeped out of the pipes into the chamber. When the mist cleared they could see the subjects dead body still strapped to the chair. The haz-mat team threw him into the dead pile to be burned the next day.

NEAR THE LAB

0231 HOURS

A ship was being swallowed by the waves. As they smashed against the ship, a wave was taking it down. Yet the lights of helicopter gave the crew hope. The crew was lifted aboard the helicopter. As the last man was being lifted aboard, a very unlikely thing happened. A bolt of lightning hit the helicopter making it turn on its side for a moment, but the pilot quickly regained control. However, due to the angle of the helicopter blade, the crew member who was coming up's head was severed. While the crew members were in agony the pilots had other things to worry about. The helicopter tail was on fire. The pilot radioed for landing at the closet landing pad, which happened to be at the lab; as the helicopter landed the fire reached the fuel tank, causing it to crash into the testing compartment where the chemicals were stored. And these chemicals had been tweaked by the scientists. Only a hour and a half before.

-perfect