Lost Souls

[darkflareon]

This is my first offical story. It is is rather short but I hope you enjot it and will welcom any feed back anyone can give.

The war had come swift and fast, nobody knew where it came from but all of a sudden everyone from all walks of life was against each other. There was no escaping the chaos until groups of people started to fight the urges. The only problem with that was they started to notice the odd mishapperning wasn’t affecting the children. The war continued though now it had sides the in control and the not in control. These were now called zombies by the most part simply because of their lack of emotion and self preservation. So camps had been set up, and the fighting continued.

He ran into the group of men covering his ears against the gun fire and crouching low to avoid the bullets. As he reached them the men opened up allowing him passage. The young boy thought he was safe but as soon as he passed the safe line he was strapped down and gagged. The men stopped shooting and he was carried over the shoulder of one of the men.

The child watched as they passed though gates. He struggled against the bindings, scared, hoping that he was being taken to safety not into a worse situation. The man carrying hosed him closer peeling away from the group carrying him into a small building.

The hall was dark and the lights on the roof gave off very little light but it was dry and clean. They turned into a small side room. This was not clean there was the smell of blood. The child tried to scream but found he had no voice.

“Don’t worry little boy this will help us all.” A soft crackling voice came from somewhere in the room. The child tried to look around but was dumped onto the stretcher placed in the middle of the room.

He was strapped down by the man that had brought him there.

“I’ll be off now. As fine as I am bringing them here I don’t want to know what goes on.” The man was bold and had a low monotone voice. His pupils were covered with what looked like a layer of white mist.

“Yes. Of course Trevor, my work is not meant to make others uncomfortable.” There was now a ring in the strange voice the man to whom it belonged exited for what he was about to do.

He waited until Trevor had left like he promised looking into the young boys terrified eyes as he chose a piece of surgical equipment.

“Let’s see why your eyes, your emotions aren’t effected by this strange new outburst.” And the man in the white coat plunged a knife into the boy’s eye bursting it while it remained in its socket.

The child screamed for days as the torture continued. He had his other eye removed, his blood had been taken. His body pushed to the limit before it finally had taken too much and gave out.

The man felt no sympathy, no sorrow for the loss of life he simply sighed as another test subject broke. He would need a new one now; he just hoped it would be sturdy. It was.

It was another week before the next subject was brought in. This time it was I little blond hair brown eyed doll of a girl. She too was strapped down the man referred to as doctor by the adults inspected her first. This was the first female that had been found alive anyway. Maybe that was the key young children so close to their mothers, protected somehow by the feminine urge. He thought about the chemicals in the drugs given to women to control ministration. That could be the key, a way to ensure survival.

His knife ran casually down the cheek of the girl, she didn’t scream. Tears formed in her eyes but she refused to let them run down her face. Realising he could be onto something here the doctor was more careful with the removal of the eyes trying to keep this one alive. His big mistake.

She may have been blind but the young child had plenty of energy, plenty of fight. And she wanted blood.

As soon as the doctor turned his back she slipped from the restraints having been working on them for ages now. Swinging herself to the floor she fell into a crouch listening for the doctor’s next move. As he brushed his arm along the side of the bench there was a tinkle of metal from where he was.

As soon as the noise was made he was dead she had pounced on to his clawing into his skin until her hands were around his neck.

Even as he fell to the floor dead she had began to tear into his flesh with her teeth. Blood pouring out over her face as veins burst.

-Flareon

[MyLittleHellhound]

Oh my. Very engaging story, the only thing I have to say is never use blue text. Never, because it's a dark background. Other than that, everything is hoodle-dee-dee! ;)

[Jolteon]

Well, I was gonna say that I agree with Ollie, but I see you already adressed that issue

This is very well written. It very much engages the reader, and really makes them want to keep reading and find out the outcome of the story. Very well done.

My only criticism, although as a short story it isn't really valid, is that the story seems to be rushed to get to the action. You need to take more time to describe every detail to the max, and really let the reader feel as if they are IN the story, not reading it

Then again, I do exactly the same EVERY time, so my comments are pur hypocrisy

-Jolteon