Horror in the Vatican.

[richlands24]

Horror in the Vatican

Chapter I.

All is well in Vatican City. Or at least, that’s what the citizens thought. All of the citizens were travelling to see Pope Benedict XVI make an important announcement. One such family, the Romano family, just wanted to visit the Vatican to celebrate Jose’s 16th birthday and see the Pope up close so that they can go home happy.

     “They look mean” said Jose. “Sweetie, they’re just there to guard the entrance and protect it.” Said the mother, Gina, who’s 39.

     “I’d like to have something cooler for my 13th birthday!” Rebecca said.      “Now, let’s go, before we’re late.” She said.

The 3 of them walked towards to where the Pope was going to make his announcement.

[richlands24]

Going to add a new chapter every two or three days depending on feedback.

[darkflareon]

This is a great capturing start. The characters aare really well intrduced. I cant wait to find out what is going to happen.

I really hope you post more soon.

-Flareon

[richlands24]

I actually have the second chapter all written up. So, I figured, why not post it?

Chapter II.

     “How am I supposed to make a speech about the zombie that we recently just caught?“ Said Benedict XVI. He walked over to his lamppost to retrieve his glasses so he can re-read the letter that informed him that the Vatican police captured a zombie.

     “Alright, just make sure they keep an eye on the zombie, while I shall make my announcement. You must keep him safe, or Vatican City will be in terrible danger.” Said Benedict XVI.

     Martin de Luca descended down the steps to the dungeon and finally reached the door to the place where the zombie was being “held.” He opened the door, only to find blood all over the walls and the floor.

     “Help me!” “Help!” but of course, nobody could hear him. The zombies killed him, only to have him return as one of the undead. They then walked up the stairs, to fulfill their need for brains and have their hunger satisfied by tasting blood.

     “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an important announcement to tell you all. It is a horrible announcement, but in the time being, we have “it” confined. This “it” is called a zombie. They are the undead. They feed on human beings, and then they turn into a zombie after being killed. I assure you, we have this under control, so don’t panic.” Just then, Martin de Luca walked right up to the Pope and hit him.

     “He’s got me!!” But by then, it was too late. The other zombies had attacked the guards that were standing guard at the entrance.

[darkflareon]

I think this is well written and think it really catches the reader. I do think however that the speed that people caught onto what was happerning with no knowlege prior to this (I am being picky here as I found no falts with the first chapter and do myself apriciate the feed back). My other point is that there is no sympathy built up for the characteady lost already. This may be purpasful as they arnt the main focuse but the lack of focus on the loss of life can dose seem as if the characters were just there (again me being picky).

Enough with the negative though I think that if contined well this could turn of to be a great read. Keep up the posting

-Flareon

[MyLittleHellhound]

An awesome story so far richlands, I believe I have already told you your feedback! :)

[richlands24]

An awesome story so far richlands, I believe I have already told you your feedback!

Thanks MyLittleHellhound!

[richlands24]

This is a great capturing start. The characters aare really well intrduced. I cant wait to find out what is going to happen.

I really hope you post more soon.

-Flareon

Thanks Flareon! I actually have the 2nd chapter up already if you haven't read it yet!

[richlands24]

I think this is well written and think it really catches the reader. I do think however that the speed that people caught onto what was happerning with no knowlege prior to this (I am being picky here as I found no falts with the first chapter and do myself apriciate the feed back). My other point is that there is no sympathy built up for the characteady lost already. This may be purpasful as they arnt the main focuse but the lack of focus on the loss of life can dose seem as if the characters were just there (again me being picky).

Enough with the negative though I think that if contined well this could turn of to be a great read. Keep up the posting

-Flareon

Since there was chaos, there wasn't enough time to have sympathy for the Pope, and everyone wanted to escape, you catch my drift? And thanks! I'll try my best! :D

[richlands24]

     “I think we’re going to be fine here, don’t you worry” said Gina. It was utter chaos outside in Vatican City, the zombies were overwhelming citizens and tourists alike.

     “That’s a great idea, Jose” said Gina.

     “Sweetie, we’ll find food before long, we just got to get through this mess that we’re in.” said Gina.

     “Okay, we can’t remain holed up here, so we’re going to have to find some weapons and fight our way out of the City.” Said Jose. He then went into the backroom to look for weapons. There were two other people that were holed up with the Romano family in St. Peter’s Basilica. They were twin brothers, and they were trained in the Italian Army and their names were Francesco and Lorenzo.

[tab][/tab]“We have weapons with us, so you don’t really have to search for any more, and we’ll gladly hand our pistols while we keep our SMG’s with us, so that way we can hold off as long as we need to.” With this being said, they handed over their .45 Caliber M1911 pistols to Gina and Jose, which they took them and admired them. The brothers had their P90’s to use against the zombies.

[darkflareon]

I think that in this section you have fallen into one of the traps that I do as well, it is the trap of trying to pack too much action into a very short amount of writing. There is such potential with these new characters but because there is barly any description it isn't quite reached.

I think with more description this section could be alot better and alot more reveling.

I do like how this story is going and look forward to seeing where you take it next.

-Flareon

[diagobd2]

This is a great capturing start. The characters aare really well intrduced. I cant wait to find out what is going to happen.

I really hope you post more soon.

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