The Future of Zombies...LOL

[NEXYIA]

I found this post a long time ago on a blog back when we all played black ops 1. I thought it was pretty funny and so I saved it onto my computer. Today I was looking through some stuff on my computer and came across this so I felt like uploading it. I also made some modifications to it to make it more fun. Remember this was posted back when we played black ops 1 where they released a lot of patches for all the glitches they had in that game. This is no offense to Treyarch. I know this is very unlikely but its just something to laugh about. Enjoy.

After all these patches going on in our zombie games, I got to thinking: what would zombies be like in 5 years when Treyarch is fully satisfied and nobody can effectively glitch?

So instead of discussing theories, I built a time machine out of a Matchbox car deLorean and took off to the year 2016. What I have witnessed will stun the community.

1. It is no longer known as "Nazi Zombies", but "Treyarch Zombies".

2. Every single zombie match played will be hosted by an administrator from Treyarch, and not only will he not revive you, but has a special weapon that can kill each player if he so decides.

3. Players can no longer jump, neither can they go prone nor crouch. And sprinting has been eradicated. Dolphin diving? Forget it.

4. Instead of spawning with pistols, players will be equipped with a potato to throw at the zombies. One potato per player. Upgraded potatoes will become mashed potatoes, giving players a real edge by slowing down zombies when thrown on the ground.

5. The mystery box is still there, but instead of a wide variety of weapons, players have the options of receiving the following: a pencil, duel-wield pillows, a book of wet matches, dual-wield water pistols (courtesy of Mattel), a jug of hellhound piss, a rock (replaces your lethal grenades), a bag of potatoes (includes 2 potatoes), the all powerful styrofoam sword (courtesy of Nerf) and my all time favorite a wooden baseball bat with nails in it.

6. Upgrading any of the above-mentioned weapons will create a death-barrier around the PaP machine, killing them instantly. But they respawn 20 rounds later with a fresh potato. (Only upgradable weapon is the starting weapon)

7. Perks are still around, yet slightly different from today. However, the characters no longer drink from pop bottles, but inserted anally. Perks are as followed:

* Psyche-Revive- With this perk, you are able to NOT revive your teammates. Instead, it kills them instantly.

* Speed-Spud- Reloads your potatoes quicker. Useful with the potato bag weapon found in mystery box.

* JuggerNOT- Rather than allowing extra health, this popular perk decreases it so you can go down by getting hit once.

* Perkaway- Steals 1 random perk from each teammate and gives them to the Treyarch Administrator. (used to mess with noobs)

8. Power-drops have altered somewhat, and are listed below:

* Waterfall- Allows players to make it rain and decrease vision, making every shot fired with your potato a miss.

* Nuke- Kills all zombies on the map 20 minutes after pickup. Also kills each player. Host is unaffected.

* Max-Ammo- This nifty power drop screams "MAX AMMO" in a loud, girlish voice, but gives the player no extra potatoes. It's only purpose is to annoy players enough to quit the game.

* X2- Rather than give double points, players encounter double the number of zombies as normal. Also kills a random player in the match.

* Freeze!- Causes the match to lag, and then freeze. Forcing all participants to sign back in and reset the game.

* Crash-o-matic- Players who grab this lucky drop will first notice smoke coming from their console and, without much warning, blow it up.(my favorite lol)

9. To prevent further chances of glitching, the maps no longer have obstacles or walls. In fact, the layout is a giant rectangle with grey as far as you can see, similar to under the maps we have now.

10. Zombies no longer come in through the windows, but spawn directly in front of you.

11. Anyone found on the leaderboards above round 2 1/2 will be banned for glitching. The highest they allow is round 2 1/3.

12. The cost of each map pack has been raised to $50.00... and each map "pack" features only one map. But it's a different colored map everytime, so it's worth the money.

13. For each zombie killed, Treyarch charges a $25.00 fee to your credit card.

The future of Nazi Zombies is a grim one indeed, my friends. It can only be played by the wealthy and the well-associated. But don't lose hope! There is a zombie apocalypse in the year 2015, so we should be too busy to even have the time to play anymore.

I know it sucks, but most of us won't be around anyway.

I hoped you enjoyed reading this I know I did. LOL.

[CovetousShark6]

Da...Dafudge...LOL

[XxJason LivesxX]

Thread=FAIL...

[TFG Dubz]

I stopped reading after he said Nazi zombies will be called treyarch zombies

It hasn't been Nazi zombies since w@w, I'm guessing the rest of the post fails too

[NEXYIA]

I stopped reading after he said Nazi zombies will be called treyarch zombies

It hasn't been Nazi zombies since w@w, I'm guessing the rest of the post fails too

Thread=FAIL...

wow u guys have no sense of humor its just a joke its not real can't take a joke much

[InfestLithium]

Calm down, guys - it was just a little humorous "outlook" into a fantasy experience. I find it rather interesting to be honest.

But as for you, OP, might I suggest not spamming this across the forum. You copy and pasted this to two other forums including this one. Out of all three targets, this subject falls under the General Zombie Discussion forum here:

viewforum.php?f=100

Careful what you post, where you post, and how you post, friendo. ;)

[Stop Mocking Me0]

What do you think this is? Activision forums?

This is a serious place, I feel like your comedy may be better appreciated there...

[The Infected Hunter]

I don't understand why you guys are being such dicks about this. I find it hilarious. Is it really that big of a deal if someone post a non serious thread for comedic purposes? I don't think so, I think you should cool down because it seems the most popular users are the most strict ones. Let's try to stay friends, because otherwise people might get turned off and leave. We wouldn't want that.

[KilledByPixels]

Come on, there is LOL in the title, it's not meant to be serious!

On topic: I laughed

Off topic: You might want to be a tad more serious around here, because you see, people of course wouldn't want to waste 5 minutes out of their life reading this. JK, great post :)

[Stop Mocking Me0]

I don't understand why you guys are being such dicks about this. I find it hilarious. Is it really that big of a deal if someone post a non serious thread for comedic purposes? I don't think so, I think you should cool down because it seems the most popular users are the most strict ones. Let's try to stay friends, because otherwise people might get turned off and leave. We wouldn't want that.

Well it's just that this is a strict website (beleive me I have had my share of flame wars that have shut down and locked topics) it's not activision forums where you can do what you want, no, this is the more strick side of the Berlin wall... :evil: :twisted: :lol: