"Officer, it's not what it looks like!"

[GameChanger]

Saw this on another forum and thought this could be interesting with our crazy  creative userbase.

 

 

 

A police officer has pulled you over. In the back seat are three items, which the previous person to you has listed. You have to convince the police officer that you are not up to any dastardly deeds.

 

 

I shall go first. (Thanks Delta :3)

 

1. Tape

2. Horse mask

3. Bill Clinton

Edited June 11, 2014 by GameChanger

[Boom115]

I'm helping the former president get over his fear of horses in time for the annual polo for polio tournament. This darn mask just will not stay on so I needed tape.

 

1) The full Wiggles series on DVD

2) Gary Busey

3) Dead Zebra

[ETEl2NAL407]

We're on our way to the taxidermist, it's my niece's birthday today and she love zebras...and the wiggles. Gary, well...He helped me steal, err, purchase the zebra from the zoo. He's got connects like that, y'know.

 

1] A gallon bag full of used condoms

2] Six-pack of Red-Bull

3] Blind-folded Justin Bieber

[PortlyLlama80]

Officer, Justin asked me to hook him up with a girl he likes who happens to like BDSM. I was just training him so he knew what to do when he got there!

1) 50,000 dollars worth of Doritos

2) John Lennon

3) Season 1 of Fringe

Edited June 11, 2014 by PortlyLlama80

[Speedo Cola]

Me and John Lennon were in Colorado, and got stoned while watching the 1st season of Fringe, and of course the Munchies brought on the need for Dorito's!

1. Shit-covered dildo
2. AK47
3. Obama

[GameChanger]

Sir, the president was getting freaky with his wife when the White House was breached! I picked him up on the side of the road and got his AK in case we ran into any more trouble, and I guess he forgot that his... toy was still in his pocket in the heat of the moment.

 

1. Boy's underwear, used.

2. A vial of blood

3. Chandler Riggs (Carl from TWD, yes it's my pet project for TV watching recently)

Edited June 11, 2014 by GameChanger

[Black Hand Smith]

Sir...Carl wouldn't stay in the house so I had to confiscate his underwear so he would have to stay indoors apparently his anus holds the key to finding a cure for the zombies so I collected some Blood samples.

 

1. Nixon in a spider man Costume 

2. A whip

3. A rapping Dog

[InfestLithium]

Y'see Officer, this man is dressed up as Spider-man for a little party down the road. Now what's even better is that when he takes off the mask, voila - he is a Nixon impersonator (for the older adults, y'know - comedic humor). He brought his whip for his dog so when he cracks it against the ground, the dog will attempt to rap. Pretty cool, right?

 

1) A pickaxe

2) The head of a Barney the Dinosaur costume

3) Can of gasoline

[Naitrax]

Well, you see officer, I was bored the other night and I forgot to "check out" of the prison and missed my opportunity to leave before the night set in. So I dug my way out with that there pickaxe. The gasoline is to power my new gasoline powered fridge- aww who the hell am I kidding I'm a murderer *reaches for pick and digs it into officer's skull*

GAME OVER.

 

1. A duffel bag marked "Human Faeces"

2. 3 exercise balls

3. A blow-up doll

[Speedo Cola]

Well, I was delivering the props to a fitness-themed scat porno     

1. Nelson Mandela's rotting scrotum
2. Vonderhaar
3. Dip Tobacco

[Electric Jesus]

Well you see, Vonderhaar had said scrotum in his mouth. I'm not sure why; You should jist ask him. He might have been using it to filter the ideas that come out so that only the shitty ones make it through. As for the tobacco, addiction is a powerful thing.

1. A photo of Vonderhaar

2. The Necronomicon

3. A decapitated goat

[InfestLithium]

Officer, you may not believe me, but there is a sacrificial ritual going on behind the church. And we're trying to summon this guy Vonderhaar because he has the answers which the world needs to know.

 

1) Tesla Death Ray

2) A gorilla

3) A walnut

[Naitrax]

Isn't it obvious? I was heading to the forest to make an offering to my lord, the one true being. Are you a disciple of Vonderhaar? I slit my wrist and draw a pentagram with my blood, place the head in the centre, light it on fire and throw in the photo, all the while reciting from our book. It makes us stronger. Heil Vonderhaar.

EDIT: Ninja'd by Infest.

 

Mwahaha officer, this is my death ray! It is designed by Tesla himself. No, it doesn't work. I'm going to a fancy dress party as a space-age, walnut-delivering gorilla. Yes, I am aware I only have one walnut. I already delivered the rest!

 

1. A large sack with a tag saying "My Personal Tools. Sexy times."

2. A meat cleaver covered in fresh human blood.

3. A small telescope.

Edited June 11, 2014 by Naitrax

[Slade]

Well, officer. Isn't it obvious? The sack belongs to my fiancée. (She's French, ya dig?) 

The cleaver is a prop. Judging from the look on your face, I'm really, really good at making them.

I watch the sky for a living with this thing. Thanks for pointing out how much I fail at life.

 

1. A spanish playboy collection from 1976

2. A map labeled "Targets" containing numerous photos of spanish women.

3. 5 bottles of Chloroform

[Naitrax]

Officer, I can explain. You may think I'm an abductor, but I'm actually a doctor in the Severe Medical Emergencies department at St. John's. The chloroform is for my patients who really need some heavy antiseptic for their ops. That "Targets" thing is a group of women who were targeted by a Mexican drug cartel and were treated under my care. I was on my way to the police station to pass this on to the investigators. That Playboy collection? For some of my male patients who need a distraction.

 

1. A Nokia phone covered in white stains

2. A blanket with dried blood and a severed finger wrapped inside

3. A graffiti'ed garden gnome

[Cheesegrater28]

Officer! I was spray painting my gnome here and washing the paint brushes I used for the base layer. Then I dropped my phone down the garbage disposal and tried to quickly grab it. Not sure how but I think the gnome flipped the switch. In pain I turned the switch off, grabbed my finger, wrapped it in the closest thing I could find and tried to make it to the hospital. But then I realized the gnome was somehow in the car with me. He made me turn on the red light back there, so you can clearly see its not my fault.

 

1. A little kids Skip-It that clearly doesn't fit your ankle.

2. A box of cheap counterfeit Selena Gomez T shirts that say "Seena Homez" 

3. The Robot from Space Camp.

[PortlyLlama80]

You see officer, me and my robot friend here are selling these t-shirts for our clothes store downtown, one of the orders we had to deliver for was a little girl, and she gave me her skip-it to thank us. It really was a sweet gesture, wasn't it?

 

1) Troy Baker (Booker, Bioshock Infinite, Boss, Saints Row III/IV)

2) a white T-Shirt stained in goat's blood

3) a giant pink dildo

[InfestLithium]

Sir, we're filming for the next Jackass movie. Where else would this guy be with a dildo and...well, really expired ketchup on his shirt.

 

1) An envelope dripping in something yellow

2) A broken chainsaw

3) A balloon

[Naitrax]

That envelope is dipped in the finest yellow-food-dye as a passcode to get into the meeting. I have to go buy a new chainsaw, as my current one is broken. That balloon is the thing I'm trading for it.

 

1. A vest full of explosives

2. A file marked "Plans To Blow Up School"

3. An AK-47

[InfestLithium]

I'm going to a school to promote non-violence with weapons, using Grand Theft Auto as a prime example of what NOT to do.

 

1) Rope

2) Machete

3) An autograph of Ric Flair on a picture of Ric Flair

[PortlyLlama80]

Sir!, the Machete and Rope are survival tools for when I go camping. and I just got back from a meet and greet with Ric Flair. and he signed my photo!

 

1. 3 Dead Ravens

2. a copy of "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe

3. a Ice Pick

[Naitrax]

I, uh, um, uh, um... The ravens got hit by me and I am taking them to Raven Hospital? The book is filled with cryptic directions? The Ice Pick... Oh who am I kid ding, arrest me.

 

1. A bag of cocaine

2. The cannon barrel of a tank

3. A phallic-shaped lollipop with bite marks

[Electric Jesus]

sir, I work for the USMC, and we're developing a new form of unconventional warfare. It essentially involves shooting a shit load of coke at your enemies from armored vehicles, in order to distract them with the wicked buzz. As for the lollipop, that was our first failed method of unconventional warfare. We thought that by shooting a phallic object out of our tanks, the enemies would be scared by its sheer girth. However unbeknownst to us the army consisted mainly of homosexuals, and... well, you can see what happened.

1. A woman in labor

2. A rastaman

3. Seven gallons of milk

[PortlyLlama80]

Sir. my sister and her Rastafarian husband are expecting a child, she just went into labor, the milk is to keep her calm and under control until we can make it to the Hospital.

 

1) George Washington

2) a chopped Cherry Tree

3) 200 Bottles of Jack Daniels

[GameChanger]

Well sir, we went out tree chopping and decided to celebrate after getting a nice Cherry Tree.

 

1) Eminem

2) 40 burnt waffles

3) Orange condoms 

(Thanks Delta and Slade :3)