Do you suffer from these conditions?

[Mr. Jay]

Hi, it's the boring guy here.

If you use your phone excessively you develop text neck. If you play basketball chances are you will get jumper's knee. If you are a single guy, it's probable you have the tennis elbow, from typing on the computer. Obviously. The point is, if you do something often enough you are likely to develop syndromes. Zombies are not an exception, and I have a few conditions from killing freak bags over the years. It's inevitable. It's necessary. It's unavoidable.

Do you have these diseases/ syndromes/ conditions?

Selective hearing

This condition develop over time from hearing too much preteen nonsense. Studies also show decline of brain functions from this type of hearing abuse.

Solo-nitis

Randoms break your heart time after time after time that you quit playing with randoms altogether. More common in BO2. As of this morning, it's been 232 days since I played with randoms on BO2.

Monogamy syndrome

You play with the same group of people since 2010, and haven't played with anyone new for years. You had to look up "randoms" in the dictionary. Deep down you feel you are married to them. You play what they play, you talk how they talk, you laugh at their jokes. If you haven't gotten the memo, their own you and you are their bitch.

Crooked penis phobia

Your game is linear and predictable. You never try anything new because you are afraid of change and afraid of anything "curvy".

Spouse nag-itis

Your spouse nags because you have forgotten your chores in favor of gaming. She/he nags nags everytime you touch your controller. You often pick a fight just so she shuts the fuck up and leave you alone.

Day dreaming disease

You are fantasizing a perfect game on Five. You are going flawless for 219 rounds while constantly reviving your teammates Chopper, Way, and Slick Vic. They compliment you on your skills and your sense of humor on the Mic. Everything is going as well as it could be.

Then you wake up with the tv remote while kids are watching Frozen for the 100th time.

Box hate crime

You play way too many games with people who hug the box that you avoid it altogether. Just the word "box" makes you want to puke. You call it the "Pandora case" just avoid annoying yourself.

Dump breaks

You have played games non stop excessively that you actually go to the bathroom or eat a snack before you start a game. No one wants to wait for you taking a dump on round 22. You deserve to die.

That's it for now, I'm heading home. Enjoy your weekend.

Do you have any zombies related conditions?

[InfestLithium]

The unplanned pregnancy. Well, nobody is actually pregnant...but it may as well be the case. You finally get into a solid game with players who communicate effectively, all strategically planning out defensive tactics that will yield record-breaking stats in one game. Everyone is following good slayer logic while allowing each player free control over what routes to take in order to survive.

 

Suddenly your phone rings and it's [insert person who you associate with the most]. They're coming over or invite you someplace. You can't say no because you risk a good friendship or simply come off as an asshole. Even when you lay them down lightly, they suddenly show up to your front door despite your request to be left alone. Now you're forced to answer the door, which causes you to leave your game and have your entire night ruined.

[Electric Jesus]

Day Dream Syndrome for me.

a few others:

This is in Zombies and MP. I can think really fast, like sherlock holmes. If I fire a burst of bullets I subconsciously count how many shots were fired in my head. In zombies this involves counting how many bullets I've fired so I know if I need to reload. In MP I can actually do it to tell when the ENEMY needs to reload, because I also memorized each gun's distinct sound. So basically any time i hear repetitive noises I count the repetitions in my head.

When BOII first came out I would hear zombies sound effects in real life. Like the bus horn in the distance or moaning. I played it too damn much.

[BrayJayTheZombSlaya]

I suffer from zombie nightmares in which, upon falling asleep after hours of zombies, my subconscious creates a map while I dream and I then realize I am the last person left to fend against the undead army while hearing the actual sound effects from the game. Gets me at least once a month.  

[creepertrent]

When BOII first came out I would hear zombies sound effects in real life. Like the bus horn in the distance or moaning. I played it too damn much.

YES! I'm not the only one!

I do that all the time.